Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Windows, AIX, what's the difference?

If you're a highly-paid AIX administrator working in a mixed AIX/Windows world, shouldn't you know some of the basic differences between UNIX and Windows? Fucktard.

cust: Look at YourBigApp! In the overview line it shows lots of boxes. In the old version if we put characters in that it didn't like, it helpfully erased them. Now we have garbage! Here's a screen shot. HEEELLLLPPP!

me: "Helpfully changed the characters." Heh. Ahh... boxes. Another twat tried to convert to Unicode without our help and did it wrong. This'll be easy. "Unsupported. Talk to $$$Custom$$$ $$$Programming$$$ $$$Group$$$. Ticket closed. Root Cause: 17.

Hi. What codepage is your database set to?

UTF-8! SAY IT, BITCH! You! Tea! Eff! Eight!

cust: When we did the install, we had the choice of Unicode or Non-Unicode. We chose Non-Unicode. What's with these damned boxes?

me: It appears to be a conversion problem. Basically, the browser is trying to render improper characters. The boxes signify characters which can't be displayed. What codepage are you set to? Send me an export of that field in CSV and again in a TXT file.

cust: Here are the files. What's wrong?

me: You cut and pasted this into a text file. Windows is very helpful with that and doesn't give me the raw data. Please export those rows. And also, please tell me which codepage you're set to.

cust: [one week later] I already told you we're using code page 1252!!! Here are the files again. Fix this!!!

me: scroll up. No mention of code page. Look at weird display. In the row I see boxes. With a hover pop-up, I see no boxes and line breaks. Hmm... time to fire up the trusty hex editor.

Well, well, well... looky here! Line Feeds without Carriage Returns. My, my, my. They imported the data from DB2 without switching on CR-CR/LF translation. Idiots.

Hi. Your idiot DBA imported your data for use in a Windows application from a UNIX database without setting line feed translation. The reason it looks bad in the regular line is because that's handled by an ActiveX contol. It looks right in the hover because IE is just smart enough to render a line feed as a CR/LF.

You have three choices: 1) live with it; 2) smack your DBA and get him to re-import the data with line feed translation; or 3) copy the data, paste it into MS Word which will automatically convert the LF to CR/LF, re-select it and paste it back into our app.

cust: We can't live with that manual solution! Time is money! Our people can't cut and paste all day!

me: Then re-import or talk to $$$Custom$$$ $$$Programming$$$ $$$Group$$$.

cust: But...

me: Ticket closed. Root Cause: 17 - Customer is a Fucktard.

I will not rest until I get my Root Cause 17 implemented.


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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.