Tuesday, December 21, 2010

You CAN be too careful

Sanjay wants to perform a simple operation: changing the department identity code on the database. It took him two full, single-spaced pages to ask whether it can be done. I needed 47 words to confirm this and accurately explain how to do it, including a warning.

But I'm getting ahead of myself...

Currently in $Telco app, department identity is getting generated with A5-. We wanted identity to start with 71- instead of A5-.

1. Can you please let us know the possible solution for this?
Currently our database is going to migrate from Oracle 9i to Oracle 10g. So the approach you suggest will it be applicable for both oracle clients i.e. Oracle 9i or Oracle 10g.

2. Also we wanted to know if we start generating the department identity with 71- then do you foresee any issues while accessing orders / faults / asset data which is present in the current application.

Do let us know if you require more information.

Thanks & Regards,

"Sure thing. It's simple. To change the department identity you'll need to access the database directly and modify the DEPT_INDENT field of the YBA_IDENTIFICATION table with the value you want. Afterwards you must restart the full system. WARNING: do not change any other value on this table!

Love, REC"

And that should've been the end of it. It always should be and it never is. Ever. I'm too busy today to piss and moan about subcontinental torture of the Muvver Tongue.
Hi_ Thanks for the update.
we got following queries on the approach suggested by you.
a) The approach of changing _DEPT_IDENT_ field of the YBA_IDENTIFICATION table_ will it work in both clients i.e. Oracle 9 and Oracle 10_
b) If we do above change then will it have any impact on the inlife date i.e. orders_ faults and assets data present on production system.
c) After above _DEPT_IDENT_ field change_ do we have to do a complete enterprise restart or can this change be done online without restart the server.

I have attached the extract of YBA_IDENTIFICATION table from production environment for your reference. Do let me know if you need more information. Thanks and Regards
Da fuck? Since when does a database version affect the contents of a fucking 8-character field? I don't care what's in the table. There's one field to change and it's the only field you can touch on this table without blowing up your system.

will it work in both clients i.e. Oracle 9i & Oracle 10g?
It's not something you repeatedly change. It's changed once by the administrator.

b) If we do above change then will it have any impact on the inlife date
This is an internal reference number which is combined with SEQUENCEs to build serial and reference numbers. Noi historical data can be affected.

c) do we have to do a complete enterprise bounce
And that should have finally been the end of it. Except that it never is.
Pleas having the manager calling to confirm because this does not seem fully correct. and we need to know before we initiate the effect.

Go fuck yourself. On the plus side, this nitwit technically asked to escalate to a manager so it's now Meathead's problem.

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Monday, December 20, 2010

"REC where are you?"
"Still working from home," I tell Meathead over the din of the teething puppy.
"You have to come in for the $PharmaCo conference tomorrow."
"Don't worry, I'll dial in."
"No you won't. They are coming in tomorrow."
"Coming to our office??"
"Ja. Also, bis morgen."

I slept two hours, my body aches, it's raining and snowing, and I not only have to go into the office but I'll actually have to talk to these buffoons in person.

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Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Fur stayed.

Apparently, here in Krautreich after two years I have forgotten everything I learned in the day-long first aid class I took five? six? years ago. Because then I'd forgotten everything I'd learned during my brief stint becoming an EMT with eyes toward doctorhood, a career path I dropped because I really don't like most people and I can't think of a quicker way of finding this out than working in emergency services.

It's also a tough job to do from home.

Luckily, this class was being run by a guy who not only actually worked as an EMT but had done so in a town I previously lived in. We traded a few war stories and it turns out that he had carted away "Sepp", the permadrunk who'd set up shopping cart not a 30-second walk from my old front door. I ended up helping him with some of the practical demos, being the fallen victim to be manhandled into various safety positions as well as overseeing bandages and CPR.

Every participant got the day off of normal work duty to be one of the building's Safety Officer First Responder Engineers. Everyone but me. There were a couple of special people upon whom I had to wait, one of them only because everyone -- and I mean everyone worldwide -- wanted to see what I'd do when faced with this:
Unable to move 855159 files to new folder on different machine xcopy fails to file all files and ntbackup cannot backup all files to disk destination server has to tape drive media
And this has what to do with our applications? Your fucking disk is full. Not my problem. Delete all those fucking stileproject pr0n clips, you shitcock.

Fuckwit. Seventeen. Going home.

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.