Thursday, June 08, 2006

Why Bother Sending Resumes (CVs)?

HELP! NONE OF THE COMPONENTS CAN CONNECT TO EACH OTHER! YOUR SOFTWARE SUCKS! FIX IT NOWWWW!!!!!1!

OK...

WE FOLLOWED THE INSTALLATION GUIDE EXACTLY AND OUR NETWORK ENGINEERS SAY THE NETWORK IS FINE BUT NOTHING CONNECTS! IT'S YOUR FAULT! FIX IT NOW!!! WE CAN'T DEVELOP!!!

Uh-huh.

So I ask for some basic stuff, IP addresses, firewall information, network diagrams and configuration files.

Three minutes later there's a phone call for me. Dammit, I hate phone calls. At the time we were discouraged from taking or making them unless doing so would be the most sensible way to continue (though now the most unnecessary phone calls are encouraged). Like an idiot I took the call.

The mook started ranting on and on pointlessly, looking to blow off steam. Sorry, not my job. I hung up. He rang back through the central line. I took it.

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HANG UP ON ME YOU FUCKING....

And my phone rang again a minute later. Charlene asked me what was going on and I told her. I said to patch him through again. Before he could speak I set him straight.

"Look, I'm here to fix your problem, not to take your abuse. I sent you a response in your ticket and by direct E-Mail. The software works. You did something wrong. Send me the information I requested and I'll fix your system. And if you want to complain about me to my manager, feel free. Our calls are recorded."

Silence.

Umm... yeah. I'll check my mail.

Our calls aren't recorded but everyone's so used to recording everywhere else they call that he wasn't going to argue.

Fifteen minutes later I got what I needed.

Server IP: 10.10.27.100
Subnet mask: 0.0.0.0

I had to look at that again just to be sure...

Subnet mask: 0.0.0.0

LOL!!!1!shiftone LOLLERSKATES! ROFLCOPTER! LMAONADE!!!

If you don't know about subnets, in order to do anything on a network, the first number must be a 255. Normally subnets are set to 255.255.255.0 but there's room for variance which you can read about here if you're interested (and here's a great cheat sheet and a calculator).

I sent them a mail back telling them what was wrong and what to do. I tried real hard not to be condescending, which means that I re-read my response a dozen times and deleted most of it.

I got a mail back a few minutes later telling me I was an idiot. Their network people insisted the settings were correct and said to get another monkey to fix the problem because I clearly didn't know what I was talking about.

I responded like a schoolteacher scolding a child. In it I explained the basics of subnetting and gave a dozen links for them to confirm. You can not connect to any address on a 0.anything subnet. Ever.

An hour later I got a response that the system was now working and that I should close the ticket.

Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit. A mistake even most beginners don't make.

Another call came after lunch. Charlene told me it was someone from the same company. No way, no way, no possible way. I told her to route it to my manager. Thirty seconds later he rang me and and told me to take the call. Why? I don't need more shit from these idiots.

"No, REC, it's their boss. He's happy . He just wants to talk to you for a minute."

Fuck. I take the transfer.

"Hello, is this REC?"
"Yes. What's the problem?"
"No problem. Our system's working fine now. I just wanted to ask you a question."
"Shoot."
"How did you solve the problem in fifteen minutes? Our people have been working on it for the past four days now."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No, seriously. How did you fix it so fast."
"Well, Jeff, the problem was a setting that anyone who's ever set up a network ought to know. As soon as they sent me the settings I told them what was wrong. Once they quit arguing and did what I said, it worked."
"And we paid these guys overtime to be here all weekend... Are you interested in working for us as our head of network operations? We pay ."

I check the company information quickly.

"Would I have to be on-site or could I work remotely?"
"Well, we'd need you to be here."
"It's a kind offer, but I think I'll have to pass."
"That's OK. Thanks again. Can you patch me back to the manager?"

I did, and he told me later the customer wouldn't stop singing my praises. Yay me.

I was sorely tempted. The job was obviously cake if the incompetents there now hadn't been fired, and considering the location, with that money I could live really well. But there's a catch.

It's not like I haven't moved internationally before but there's no way in hell I'm living in Oklahoma.



xposted to HuSi

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DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
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single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.