Wizard needs ninja skillz, badly.

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Please remember that Section 4c of the $MegaCorp employment contract specifically prohibits bringing weapons or objects which could be used as a weapon onto any $MegaCorp premises at any time. For further information on $MegaCorp policies concerning weapons and employee safety please click here.

Technically I'm banned from the office because I'd be happy to beat quite a few of my cow-orkers senseless with my laptop and strangle them with a USB cable.

Some cow-orker decided to ask a specific question of a general audience rather than contacting the I18N team who actually know their asses from a hole in the ground when it comes to what characters might be included in a Chinese codepage. She's new and can be forgiven for this. The super senior PM guy who doesn't know diddly about things international or language-specific is another matter.

When asked about a Chinese system needing to also display English his response was "This sounds almost impossible! You have to find a codepage that'll have both the English and Chinese character sets in." Which is every single fucking Chinese code page in existence, from MS936 & 950 to 2312 and GB18030. ALL codepages have 7-bit ASCII as the first 128 characters, even all the Unicode translatíons.

Now his ignorance of this isn't the biggest problem (even though he should have passed on the question to the person in his department who actually works with I18N). It's that he then argued when corrected by the guy his own colleague asks such questions of: me.

I might expect this to work in a Unicode deployment, but anything else I'm fairly sure would fail.

Because he's an expert in... nothing, actually. He deals mainly with Java and scripting shit and even then, despite being Senior Director, has no actual specialisation other than spreading misinformation and pissing me the fuck off.

Which goes a long way to explaining why $MegaCorp needs to have a written, continuously publicised anti-weaponry policy.

EVERY SINGLE COMPUTER CODEPAGE IN USE TODAY -- EVEN ON MAINFRAMES AND (cr)APPLES -- INCLUDES BASIC ASCII.

Dear Japan,

Your clocks are running seven hours too fast. PLZFIXKTHXBYE!

I like my Japanese cow-orkers. I really do. Of course, I've never had any "face-time" with them which might explain this lack of animosity. But when I need to work with them I either have to be up at 3am (and sober enough to function) or I might as well send snail mail. One round-trip communication takes three days.

I needed a database in Shift-JIS, the most common Japanese encoding. It's crap compared to Unicode... hell, it's crap compared to anycode, it being a freaky Microsoft hack to enforce their idea of codepages and still work with previous Japanese standards like JIS X 0201 and 0208. Wacky stuff if you're one of the couple dozen codepage supergeeks. I know I'm lame. Haz a cat. In fact, take two; they're small.

So what the hell do I want with a Shift-JIS DB when its suckage quotient is so high? It seems we have a bug, one that I not only pointed out about eight fucking years ago but which also should've been dealt with by the time $OurBigApp supported Unicode.

ATTENTION AMERICAN DATABASE-PROGRAMMING INFIDELS: There is a huge fucking difference between "character" and "byte". Not for you normally, but for most of the rest of the fucking world. One byte per character works fine for English. ASCII is also sufficient for Latin, Swahili and Hawaiian. It is rumoured that there are other languages, many of which have more characters than can be addressed with a single byte.

It turns out a field length of 5,000 characters isn't actually 5,000 characters but 5,000 bytes. For the Japanese this means that they can only squeeze in around 2,200 characters, not quite enough for what this field is designed to contain. But only in UTF-8. In Shift-JIS and UTF-16 with their fucking surrogate pairs the number becomes even more grim -- around 1600 characters.

So why didn't I just install a fucking Shift-JIS database on my own if I'm such a Mr Smarty-Pants? Setting up the DB is easy but our installer which adds and shapes the schema sucks. It's overly complicated (more than 90 screens of text and clicky goodness). That alone isn't a problem. I don't speak or read Chinese and I can still not only install but administer Windows in Chinese, both Traditional and Standard. Microsoft sucks but at least their suckage is uniform across languages. Same dialogs, same layout, same buttons, same icons. Not so $OurBigApp. The Japanese installer is nothing like the English which is nothing like the German, so I can't even run a side-by-side installation and select the correct radio buttons or fill in the proper fields.

I can read some Japanese but with so little chance to use the language I've lost much of it over the past 12 years. A few smrt peepul might think, "Duh! Just select the dialog text, copy and then paste it into Teh Ghugel Translator!" Yeah, I thought of that. Our programmers had different ideas:

window.properties.AllowSelectText=0.

Fuckwits.

Region Locking

That Citrix training I was promised? Yeah, it's right there with that advancement I was also promised. And the raise. There's Citrix training to be had, but not here, nosiree. It's too expensive here in Germany. Citrix offers training all over the world, even in Bulgrohungria. Do you see where this is going? I did as soon as my manager Vera mentioned it.

Citrix does offer training in Bulgrohungria but not in English. It's only available in the local Eastern European language which I, oddly enough, don't speak. Vera's great plan: send Mini-Me for the training. And she has another bright idea.

Vera has decided that it would be good to bring Mini-Me over here for "training", such training to be provided by this dog. Now I like the guy enough but there's one small problem which, despite me telling her repeatedly, Vera continues to ignore: I don't have anything to fucking train Mini-Me on! Nothing. Nada. Zip. Nimic. Diddly-squat.

I'm supposed to teach him Unicode? I haven't finished writing the training, a massive brain dump of everything I've learned over the past 30-some years about it and all related subjects. I'm supposed to teach him everything about I18N? Where the fuck would I start? I've never taught anyone I18N because as it applies to us, it's not something you can teach. You either know it or you don't. Citrix? How the fuck am I supposed to teach him anything about it when I haven't had any training myself?

Citrix training is shit to begin with. The company's software is built around licensing. The first classes are only concerned with licensing and license management. Fair enough, I guess, since you can't make Citrix work after installation without running all the goddamned licensing components. After that, who the fuck knows? I haven't had any fucking training and I can't get any time away from tickets to even try to figure out how this shit works.

If you want to do anything with Citrix, you have to become a member of the Citrix License Police Force. Cocksuckers.

My protests and explanations are being ignored. Vera's creaming to get Mini-Me over here. Call me a cynic (or maybe I recognise my own), but I can only surmise that Vera's doing this to try and shitcan both of us, me for failing to teach Mini-Me anything after we spent a couple thousand to get his ass over here, and him for not having learned anything after we spent a couple thousand to get his ass over here.

I don't begrudge him the trip. Hell, I'd like to meet him. It's also nice to travel on the company's dime and more power to him if he can swing it. But in this case there's precious little to be gained and much to be lost. I've got to write a formal E-Mail to Vera to recap the pointlessness of his trip in order to cover my ass and save his as well.

The real bitch of it all? The money Vera's willing to spend to bring Mini-Me over here is more than enough to cover my tuition for both the basic and advanced Citrix classes here, classes I could take and afterwards write and give presentations to spread the working knowledge throughout our division worldwide. Fuckwits. Sheer, utter, vindictive, scheming, dastardly fuckwits.

Font of Knowledge

There are many levels of stupidity. Drinking too much on a work night is just plain stupid. Drinking until 3:00a.m., then coming home, turning on all the lights, having another beer while playing computer games with the volume turned up to 11, waking up the guy who drank too much and has to go to work in the morning to pay the bills is really incredibly stupid. But there's a level of stupidity so mind-bogglingly high, so gobsmackingly, migraine-causing, teeth-gnashingly extreme that it makes Steve Martin's character in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels look like the Oracle of Delhi in comparison. I shall let Harish explain it for me in a ticket copied verbatim with only identifying bits munged.

Harish works for $BigBank. $BigBank decided that it would probably be a good idea if the Japanese customers could type in their native language. $BigBank got all Unicodified with the help of our guys on the scene. Huzzah! But then they left $BigBank to their own devices, said devices being sniveling, drooling incompetents who probably type with a pointer stick attached to their safety caps.

We're rolling out $YourBigApp to multiple countries (including Asian countries) and hence, there is a need to enable capability to enter and retrieve multi-lingual characters. To do so, we've made the required changes in all templates by mentioning 'Arial Unicode MS', wherever 'Arial' was specified as the font. It works and we're at UAT stage now.

However, we've observed a strange behavior wherein a few testers reported that they are not able to view the special language characters and instead viewed junk characters (Screen shot 1 attached).

On further investigation, we found that there is a font (Arial Unicode MS), which should be installed on tester's machines. It was installed on their machines, but we copied this font from other tester's machine, where language characters were appearing correctly. On doing so, testers, who reported the problem, were able to view the expected characters (Screen shot 2 attached).

However, to determine the root cause, now when we replace fonts to old fonts, the problem does not persist. We don't know that what has fixed the issue? Is it that when we copied the fonts first time, issue was fixed permanently? Now those testers see junk characters only when we 'Remove' the font altogether from their respective machines. What are your thoughts and what should we take into account while rolling out the application?

Please note that on a Windows 2000 machine, we're navigating to Start->Settings->Control Panel->Fonts to perform the font copy-paste operations.

I was too stunned to smash my head into my desk to relieve the pain. All I could think of was this bash quote. Why is this guy alive? How the fuck does this man remember to take the fork out of his mouth before chewing? How does he remember to breathe in?

If you missed it for all the words in there, let me highlight the important bit:
Is it that when we copied the fonts first time, issue was fixed permanently? Now those testers see junk characters only when we 'Remove' the font altogether from their respective machines.

He installed the font and everything worked. Then he deleted the font and it stopped working. And this surprises him, the "system administrator".

Perhaps this will stop the J'accuse comments about my intolerance. Enough's enough! Give me my fucking Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit already!

No Narrow Escape

There are a few benefits to not being single, physical comforts ranking rather high among them. There are also the downsides, and her shitty immune system is one of them. At this time tomorrow I expect to be laying there feeling like death and unable to breathe, much like she was this morning when I left for the office. This is not the sort of time off work I look forward to, and almost as bad as feeling sick as a dog is knowing that within the next 12 hours that's how I'm going to feel.

I wouldn't have come in today but for a couple conf calls which are simply easier to do when I have three work computers in front of me and I don't have to access virtual servers through a VPN. Connecting through the VPN at home on my personal boxen would kill some of those torrents as well as my FTP server. $MegaCorp blocks everything.

Everything except fuckwits.

we are currently use version 3.4.g, we have installed new server where are 9 languages, we have an issue with JPN. JPN server comes up , but all the screen Names are showing up as ??? marks however the data in the data bse shows up in Japaneese language

we checked all the components and check files and it shows all the latest pacthes has been applied as below

please adivce on this issue

A glance at the screenshots tells me all I need to know. Where characters should be are boxes. Incompatible, non-compliant font. They never modified the templates to use "Arial Unicode MS". I sent him easy-to-follow instructions. It's nothing but search and replace in a few text files.

We see your answer and making changes to all template file but see screenshot we are still have problem. We need solution because this is wrong with not seeing the texts.

That's unpossible. There's only one thing that causes boxes to be displayed instead of characters: the wrong font. Either they don't have a font which can display the character (also unpossible since they're using a native Japanese OS) or they specified the wrong font. That's it. There are no other possibilities. If you see boxes instead of characters, you have one of these two simple font problems. Clearly search for 'Arial' and replace ALL with 'Arial Unicode MS' wasn't complicated enough for them and therefore couldn't possibly be the solution, and I'm betting they got clever.

All I need is the font directory listing and templates. Nothing else unless they did something seriously fucknutted like changing the font substitution list in the registry. Still, they've already shown themselves to be thoroughly incapable of following simple instructions so it's time to put them to work and add eggs and milk. Along with what I actually needed I got server logs, screenshots, a registry export (just in case), a database extract... all in all about 600MB, of which I actually needed less than 14KB.

And it was right there.

{ font-family: ‚l‚r ‚oƒSƒVƒbƒN, Arial Narrow,Helvetica,Sans-Serif; font-size: 8pt; }

Mangled thanks to their editing it in fucking Notepad and saving it as an ANSI text file rather than Unicode. I recognised the mangled bit quickly: a Japanese font. Still, I had to unmangle it before I could properly chew them out.

Step 1: Open the file with a hex editor:
0000008bh: 2D 66 61 6D 69 6C 79 3A 20 82 6C 82 72 20 82 6F ; -family: ‚l‚r ‚o
0000009bh: 83 53 83 56 83 62 83 4E 2C ; ƒSƒVƒbƒN,

Step 2: Remove familiar and unnecessary crap which served to delimit the mangled garbage:
82 6C 82 72 20 82 6F = ‚l‚r ‚o
83 53 83 56 83 62 83 4E = ƒSƒVƒbƒN

Step 3: String the useful hex together:
82 6C 82 72 20 82 6F 83 53 83 56 83 62 83 4E

Step 4: Guess which encoding they're using
For Japanese, it's usually going to be Shift-JIS or Unicode. If it was the latter you'd see high bytes in the $30s, $40s, $50. These are all in the $80s which screams "Microsoft codepage 932: Shift-JIS"

Step 5: String bytes pairs together and hope your endianness is correct:
826C 8272 20 826F 8353 8356 8362 834E

Hmm... there's a space in there. I'm thinking this will be "MS Mincho" or "MS Gothic", typed by some halfwit in half-width.

Step 5: Character look-up:
At least Microsoft is helpful with I18N issues. They have a neat chart for codepage 932. First byte takes me to plane 82, position 6C: an "M", but not a standard ASCII "M". That would've made sense. No, this is a Japanese "Fullwidth Latin capital letter M" which has little in common with a normal 0x4D ASCII M. An "S" comes six positions later and I can count well enough in hex that I don't need to look up the second byte.

Then there's that "20", a space. Which fucktard out there decided computer font names should have spaces?

Working through it all I ended up with "MS Pゴシック", the "Gothic" font I expected. And right behind it, "Arial Narrow". Why? Because, well... maybe because Japanese people have some weird halfwidth font fetish.

I thought about the time I'd spent on this ticket so far and how much more time I was likely to have to waste in explaining to them what they needed to do, namely, use the right fucking font, stop adding wrong ones, and save text files in the correct code page.

Dear Sparky-san,

Please zip up and send me ALL of the HTML and CSS files from $Our$Big$App for analysis.

Love,
REC

"For analysis" prevents questions.

Two days later they sent what I'd asked for. I fixed the dozen or so files which specified fonts inside 10 minutes. And as I finish writing this I'm confronted with the fuckwitted subject of tomorrow's entry if I manage to get out of bed. ファクヰト everywhere. ルウトコズ:十七
x-posted from HuSi, where there's a pointless poll.

Hooptiously Drangle Me

Dragging my ass into the office today after another night of insomnia that a full bottle of vodka couldn't help, I was in no condition to take any of the 30-odd tickets in the queue. I finally managed to get some of our internal applications loaded and they suck as much as the ones they replaced... and in some cases, more.

Mail time: Junk, junk, stupid notice, junk, dumb question, 14 dumber replies-to-all, unplanned California outage notice which doesn't affect me, junk, stupid mail joke from 1996, notice of customer update, notice of California service restoration, Premium Assistance Nomination, junk, more sales department info none of us give a shit about, ju...

Hold on! What was that? Premium Assistance Nomination? Hot diggety! I definitely need a few more of those. Undelete that thing but quick! Oh, and it's from $HugeKoreanKorp, the company which filed a ticket that some toerag stole from me. Good thing I stole it back.

The questionnaire responses were almost all 10s and he clicked the "Nominate This Monkey as 'Premium Assistance'" checkbox. Yes! Friday the 13th's looking up. And then I got to the comments.

Satisfaction Comments: ÍêÈ«½â¾öÎÊÌâ¶øÇÒ·½·¨¼òµ¥

Son of a bitch.

How the fuck can this guy sing my praises when the company which handles these surveys is too fuckwitted to implement Unicode, turning everything outside of Western European languages (codepage 1252 / ISO8859-1) into such gibberish?

Next to raw volume of tickets taken, the next highest metric we're judged by is customer response, so these surveys are important. And while it's clear that the customer is happy thanks to those high scores and the Premium Assistance, if managers can't understand the words written, it don't mean much. This is because only a small percentage of customers are moved enough (whether by anger or joy) to actually answer a ticket's survey. Of that group, only a similar percentage will actually take the time to fill in comments. This makes them the cream, but if a manager can't understand what the fuck is written then, effectively, nothing has been.

I set to work.

First: make it usable. Convert to hex, join pairs of bytes:

CDEA C8AB BDE2 BEF6 CECA CCE2 B6F8 C7D2 B7BD B7A8 BCF2 B5A5

That's a little better. But something doesn't look right. They're all in the Bxxx and Cxxx pages of Unicode where we keep all the weird crap. I rather doubt this guy wrote his praise of me in old-fashioned poetry using nothing but obscure symbols, so I'm betting this comment didn't start off as Unicode.

So what is it? Well, every word starts off between A1 and D3, and there are only two characters on the Axxx pages. Most of it's Bxxx. The company's Korean but... «check the ticket»... yep, this guy's in a Chinese branch or division. I bet he uses Windows. I bet he's got Chinese Windows installed. I bet this shit's codepage 936.

In the CJK codepages, characters between 0x81 and 0xFE are more or less triggers. Each one leads to another 177 characters (0x00 through 0x3F and 0xFF are off-limits). Follow the codepage 936 link and see for yourself.

So I started clicking after first sorting the characters I had; some were on the same secondary page.

The chart Microsoft has on those pages is a graphic. I could copy characters and then, using PaintShop Pro do a bunch of quick cutting and pasting until I had something resembling a Chinese ransom note, but that's going to be a dead end. You can't paste that shit into Babelfish. Luckily they also give a Unicode reference.

CDEA=5B8C
C8AB=5168
BDE2=89E3
BEF6=51B3
CECA=95EE
CCE2=9898
B6F8=800C
C7D2=4E14
B7BD=65B9
B7A8=6CD5
BCF2=7B80
B5A5=5355

Now to find out what the hell those Unicode bytes were. There's an excellent Unicode look-up at fileformat.info so I used that. Not only did it bring up the characters (with a full Han search), it also brought up the meanings. Sweet mother of dyslexia, I was almost done.

Except that Chinese rarely translates word-for-word the way Western languages like German or Spanish or Norwegian do.

After a lot more copypasta I had:

5168 全 maintain, keep whole or intact
89E3 解 loosen, unfasten, untie; explain
51B3 决 decide, determine, judge
95EE 问 ask about, inquire after
9898 题 forehead; title, headline; theme
800C 而 and; and then; and yet; but
4E14 且 moreover, also (post-subject); about to, will soon (pre-verb)
65B9 方 a square, rectangle; a region; local
6CD5 法 law, rule, regulation, statute; France, French
7B80 简 simple, terse, succinct, a letter
5355 单 single, individual, only; lone

So this is what he had to say about me: 全解决问题而且方法简单. Either he's referencing the my-head-shaped-dent in front of my keyboard or the overall answer was and complete.

Time to go fishing:

Babelfish:
All solves the problem moreover the method to be simple.

Googlefish:
Solve all problems but also simple.

Looks good to me. Looked good to Vera, too. I resolved his problem and made it simple and clear for him.

But all is not well.

Mini-Me had a question about some third-party software support on AIX: "Which version of AIX does $WorkApp work on?" If you know AIX, you know just how touchy versions can be. I sent my protoge to internal support to get an answer.

He got a reply: "Unfortunately we do not have any additional information on the AIX version specifically supported when $WorkApp was released. The only detail to go by is to find out the version of AIX that existed and was released about 6-7 years ago."

Useless fucks. Two can play at that game.
"Mini-me?"
"Yeah?"
"Write 'em back and ask them which version that was."
"Why bother? I'll fucking look it up myself. It'll be easier."
"You don't understand yet. Make them do the look-up."
"But it's faster if I..."
"Their shitball answer deserves repayment. We have a duty."
"I see," he replied, and fired off another mail to our AIX goons.

He's learns fast but still has a ways to go.
x-posted to HuSi where there's also a related poll.

Stop, Thief!

A few years ago there was a big row over tickets being reassigned to other monkeys rather than having the helping monkey be added as an assist. The Asia-Pacific region was the worst offender, constantly taking tickets from people who'd put a lot of work into them and reassigning them to their own monkeys, justifying the action because the customer called outside of the other regions' working hours. I thought it had been resolved.

I thought wrong.

There are quite a few downsides to living in Catholic Bavaria. Stores are closed on Sundays (but not all of them). There's no dancing or playing of "joyful" music allowed on either Good Friday or some other Day of Remembrance of the Dead. Until recently it was illegal to wash your car on Sunday. The upshot is a bunch of extra holidays. I had Friday and Monday free, four days to finally process a load of photos in Canon utilities and Photoshop and deliver them.

Which is harder to do when your primary monitor (a colour-calibrated NEC MultiSync FE950) dies. And shops are closed. Finding a CRT locally is nigh impossible these days so I'm going to pay a lot for that muffler. So instead of Photoshop I was stuck building furniture, carrying boxes, and doing all that other crap you have to do when you've moved into a new flat.

Still, the break was nice. Two 4-day work weeks coming on the heels of a two-week "vacation", with four days free in between. I could get used to a schedule like that.

Most of our other orifices were open at least one of those two days and the Asians were there for both. There was a load of mail to read. Why the hell would $AsiaManager be writing me about my $HugeKoreanKorp ticket? I'd already answered it fully while also letting them add milk and eggs. There wasn't really much more to do.

REC,

FYI, I have reassigned ticket AT-115EG-K to $DumbChimp and added you as an assist since you were out both fri and today as well. Hope this is ok

No, it is fucking not OK! I know a lot of OK things and reassigning my I18N specialty ticket to a clueless n00b is definitely not one of them.

$AsiaManager,

I don't believe that reassignment was the correct action. It was, in fact, wholly inappropriate and as such was one of the most incorrect actions possible. $DumbChimp should've been added as an assist. I resolved the problem in my last update; $DumbChimp merely confirmed and held the customer's hand afterwards. Making matters worse, the answer he sent is wrong. Left alone, $HugeKoreanKorp will be fucked since they've mixed Unicode and codepage.

Love,
REC

And the response, 20 minutes later:

REC,

Sorry, the full details were not in the ticket. Typically I request backup help instead of new owner. The TAR requested reassignment of this ticket to an Asia region monkey, preferably Korean speaking since this is a new customer and they are already on the "Special Case" list. I could not get a Korean speaking monkey so I compromised with having APAC monkey picked it up At that point of reassignment, I have considered that this is a new ticket that you have just picked up, you were out for two days and since the customer needs handholding in APAC time and Korean, I decide to go for reassignment and I was not aware the SR would be resolved so quickly.

So the reason you violated our policies again and stole my ticket again to hand off to one of your incompetent chimps again was to get a Korean speaker working on the issue (which had already been resolved), but the clueless 'tard whose numbers need propping up neither speaks Korean nor understands anything about this issue. Nevertheless he gave $HugeKoreanKorp a follow-up answer which couldn't have been more wrong if it had been, "Masturbating with a high-suction Hoover canister vacuum is a perfectly safe and healthy pasttime."

Ticket unstolen. Urgent update mail sent to $HugeKoreanKorp with a CC: to my managers and a BCC: to $DumbChimp.

Fuckwittery is like gangrene or that black mold you get on damp walls. By the time you've actually discovered it, it's too late and probably impossible to get rid of. And it's everywhere. Don't forget to pay for your hot dogs in Kansas. Civilisation is truly in decline.

x-posted from HuSi, where there's a poll.

Quick Googler Updates

byte-order marker vi
Since you didn't leave a comment, I'm guessing you want to know how to write or view a BOM in vi. If you want to view/edit a file in hex in vi, use the [esc] :%!xxd command. Add the "-r" switch to get back to text.

To read in a Unicode file, you can specify the format by specifying a value for the infileformat variable. If there's no BOM you can use the -U option or the TK_STDIO_DEFAULT_INPUT_FORMAT and TK_STDIO_DEFAULT_OUTPUT_FORMAT environment variables to force any file to be treated in a given format (e.g., UTF-8, UTF-16 BE).

When writing files, vi uses the value of the defaultfileformat variable. The default value is determined by the -U option (if an output format is given) or the TK_STDIO_DEFAULT_OUTPUT_FORMAT environment variable. When writing to an existing file, vi uses the same format that was used to last read or write the file.

my employer doesn't use a punch clock
Lucky you, unless you have to fill out time sheets. Flextime rocks.

japanese slavegirl
You're looking at the wrong blog.

Citrix fuckking sucks
We've established this already.

dst issues with citrix presentation 4
There shouldn't be any unless you're logging everything. I'm pretty sure the OS system clock is used.

MS06-051 Corrupt Filesystem
No idea what you're looking for. Leave a comment.

"i hate phone calls"
Ditto, especially the incoming ones since it's inevitably some clueless fuckwit who wants to have a long discussion with you about things he knows nothing about yet argues with you when you try to set him straight.

codepage 8859-p1
Here is a list of ISO codepages.

mssql optimise
Move to DB2, MySQL or Oracle. You'll thank me later.

animated gif of smashing head into wall
I tried to upload that as well as the smashing-into-keyboard one, but Blogger keeps converting them to PNG format. If someone knows how to get the AniGIFs up intact, please let me know.