Wednesday, June 14, 2006

TANSTAAFL

As I returned from the bathroom, I asked, "Hey, Joe..."

"Ja?"

"What's with all the shit in the hallway?"
"Today is MegaLunch. Ve normally only heff MegaLunch once a munss but ziss time is to velcome all ze $BigCorp people."

From appearances, MegaLunch is plates of paprika-flavoured crisps and peanut M&Ms (yes, same plate) and various sorts of gummy/marshmallow-y candies. And empty plastic cups.

Joe explained they usually order pizza and he mentioned beer. Of this I am certain. Mention beer and you've got my full attention, especially if it's free. We have border police to stop bad beer getting into Bavaria.

MegaLunch attendance, I found while trying my best to clear out a dozen tickets, was mandatory. MegaLunch was scheduled for 12:30; there were still 20 minutes to go.

There would be speeches and I had no means of escape.

When faced with no chairs and a long wait, I usually drop to parade rest which I find the most tolerable stance -- yet another thing I took with me from Boot Camp along with an ability to shine shoes to a mirror finish and fold hospital corners on sheets. The prattling on began.

The pizza arrived late. There was no beer. Joe will pay the minute he forgets to lock his computer and walks away. I can handle lukewarm pizza, congealed Chee-Zee brand processed cheese-like melted pizza topping and even limp and chewy pizza crust, but...

Attention German Pizza-making Infidels:
Stop putting corn/maize/sweetcorn in everything! It most certainly does not belong on a fucking pizza. Everything else was fine: tomato slices, broccoli bits, red onions, mushrooms, some sort of pressed-ham-like stuff, even the feta cheese. But not the fucking corn!
So much for a free lunch. I'm off to find a beer. Dirka dirka Mohammed jihad.

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.