But It's Wrong!

A few weeks ago they sent some bint calling herself an "Ergonomic specialist" or some such nonsense to each cubedesk. This was, no doubt, at the insistence of the Works Council.

The "Ergonomic specialist" comes over to your desk, looks around, makes a few notes, shuffles through some papers on her clipboard, and then starts telling you how everything that you've set up for your comfort is, in fact, not only terribly uncomfortable but also bad for you.

I like my chair high enough that my feet can rest on the legs but don't touch the floor, allowing me to swing them on occasion. She went on and on about how bad that is, pulling out a chart showing "correct posture" which is much better for my back: standard 90° bends at the ass and knees with the feet flat on the floor.

ErgoBint: But that's very bad for you! The way you sit causes back pain.
REC: I sit this way to relieve my back pain.
EB: But it's the wrong position.
REC: Are you a doctor? Didn't think so. Let me tell you about back pain. I've had it for some 22 years ever since a 40-ton 18-wheeler slammed into the rear end of my 1974 Toyota Corolla.
EB: But it's the wrong position!

Wrong again. Oops.

Spinal disk movement occurs when weight-bearing strain is placed on the spine, causing the internal disk material to misalign. Disk movement was most pronounced with a 90-degree upright sitting posture. It was least pronounced with the 135-degree posture, indicating that less strain is placed on the spinal disks and associated muscles and tendons in a more relaxed sitting position.

...Across all measurements, the researchers concluded that the 135-degree position fared the best.

I wish I'd seen that article the day she was annoying me.

She really hated my monitor, and since she has trouble reading it at 1600x1200, I too must have difficulty. It's very bad for my eyes and could cause Acute Retinal Splatitude with Complications or some other made-up ailment.

ErgoBint: That's very bad for your eyes to be looking at such small letters.
REC: How is it bad?
EB: I have to squint to see anything.
REC: Am I squinting?
EB: No, but letters shouldn't be that small on your monitor.
REC: Why?
EB: Because people have to squint!
REC: And that should bother me because...?
EB: Because it's bad for their eyes and they can't see.
REC: Nobody else should be looking at my monitor anyway. This is just an additional security measure.
EB: But it's too small!

I changed the resolution to 2048×1536. Her jaw dropped.

REC: No, this is too small. I can still read it but now I have to strain. I reset the monitor.

She carried on about my keyboard.

ErgoBint: You should use an ergonomic keyboard.
REC: Don't want one. Don't like 'em.
EB: At least you have a wrist rest but you have it positioned wrong.
REC: No I don't. My wrists are on it.
EB: But it's not spaced properly! You could get carpal tunnel syndrome.
REC: Have you ever had carpal tunnel syndrome?
EB: No, because I...

I turned my hands palm up so she could see the scars on both wrists.

REC: I have. I know all about carpal tunnel. Are you going to tell me again that the most comfortable positioning I've chosen is actually very uncomfortable?

EB: But it's wrong...

On to the mouse. I have a Kensington Expert Mouse. It's a trackball, and good to combat CTS. Using a regular mouse even with a gel pad wrist support hurts after about five minutes. She didn't recognise what it was at first, didn't believe it was actually a mouse, and when confronted with the fact that it was indeed a mouse, began to tell me how wrong it was as well.

ErgoBint: You need to be able to move your hand.
REC: The motion with a regular mouse exacerbates the problem. I need this mouse.
EB: But it's wrong for the workplace!
REC: We've established you're not a doctor. I told the guy who cut my wrists open -- who happens to be a surgeon and who practices here in Germany -- about this mouse. He now recommends it to all his CTS patients. Shall I give him a ring so you can tell him how wrong he is?

I had to put up with her shit for about 20 minutes before she finally let go.

ErgoBint: You're not going to change a single thing, are you?
REC: Nope.
EB: You really should.
REC: Nope.
EB: That's not very open-minded.

People who complain about you not being "open-minded" are generally those spouting a load of illogical rubbish that you refuse to accept, like "colour therapy" and reiki. Fuck 'em.

REC: You're one of those people who believe that it's very important that motorcyclists wear that belt to protect their kidneys from the cold, don't you?
EB: Of course! It's VERY important! Do you have a kidney belt?
REC: Nope.¹
EB: But what if your kidneys get cold? Or if you hit an uneven piece of road and bounce?!
REC: I got shock absorbers. Show me a picture of a runner or horse rider wearing one and I'll reconsider.

Horrors! Cold kidney disease! Fallen kidney syndrome! I'm sure the cure for those is the same as it is for every other bullshit ailment they talk about in this country: Magnesium, Calcium and/or Zinc tablets. Maybe I can give some of those to Tony to cure his ailments caused by my evil monitor's electrical waves.

The only real surprise is that she didn't offer me advice on aligning my chakras. I'll bet a paycheck that in her off-hours she does crystal healing by appointment.

Fuckwits everywhere.

¹ I don't even have a motorcycle anymore but she didn't know that.
x-posted to HuSi