Monday, October 23, 2006

Former Cow-Orkers

A lobotomy isn't a $MegaCorp exit requirement. I know this because on occasion I meet up with Johnny and sometimes Poopyhead comes along, too. We have fun and drink and Johnny tries to get me to leave $MegaCorp and come to whichever shop is his current employer. I inevitably trump him with the fact that I have incredible flexi-time which, he painfully admits, is something $CurrentJob does not believe in.

Johnny sent in a ticket last week which was simple enough; I guess he just forgot the mechanics or didn't know if they'd changed since version 4.0.b. I sent him a quick answer and he gave me 10s across the board. That survey will be ignored. Not only is Johnny a buddy, he's one of the original BadBoys, a group of us less-than-corporate types (including Poopyhead and me) who did our best to make the place more tolerable. Managers remember him all too well.

Today I got hit with a question from another former cow-orker. I remember him being good at his work and that he even had a sense of humour, so I'm hoping his managers forced him to write the stupidity he submitted in that ticket.
Please be informed that after $MyCompany installs IE 7 onto our STAGE and PRODUCTION servers, we will be submitting tickets for any break in functionality.

Please inform our Technical Account Representative.

Let us know if you have questions.

Yeah, I have a few questions, Skippy:
  1. How long does it take you guys to support a new platform? $YourCompany needed eight months before it could run on XP.

  2. How the hell can you expect us to support a new platform immediately upon its accelerated release?

  3. How the hell can you expect us to support a new platform immediately upon its accelerated release?
Please be informed that after $YourCompany installs IE 7 onto your STAGE and PRODUCTION servers, we will be replying with the same response to each one.

You're going to be submitting a lot of tickets, Sport, and I'll be taking them all, closing each and every one of them with the same damned answer: IE7 is unsupported.

Not only do I want to close this ticket with a Root Cause:17 - Fuckwit, the guy who submitted it understands what that means. Instead he's just getting a 13: Unsupported Platform.

x-posted from HuSi, sans poll.

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.