Wednesday, June 11, 2008

We Don't Say 'No'

That didn't go over so well.


OK, I think I have a solution to this problem. It's going to take a bit of ess-plaining though.

And as I'm doing this LookOut pops up one of its sporadic update notices to inform me that some of the mail which was sent to me over the past four days has finally been passed on by the central server.
From: Some Guy [mailto:some.guy@$]
Sent: 10. June 2008 14:45
To: really.evil.canine@$
Subject: Callback request for Ticket # AJ-10-E14


The customer from ticket AJ-10-E14 did call in and asked to be called back. Can you give him a call ?

Some Guy
$MegaCorp Core Care

Oh, go blow it out your ass.
From: Really Evil Canine [mailto:really.evil.canine@$]
Sent: 10. June 2008 16:12
To: Some Guy
Subject: RE: Callback request for Ticket # AJ-10-E14


No. I'm too busy actually working on his ticket. And by not calling him I've managed to find the problem for which I'm in the middle of writing a solution, said solution to be posted inside the next half hour.


Fifteen minutes later Meathead was on the phone. While I wasn't expecting him to tell me that my request for the big, fuck-off 45" monitor was finally going to be approved (denied, again), neither did I think I was in trouble. It was probably another discussion about the latest developments with $BigPrinterCo to determine if there's any chance of unfucking the system they set their worst and dullest upon.

"What the fuck, REC?"
"I just got my ass chewed out by $DriedUpBitchManager. What the fuck?"
"That mail you sent."

I tried to think. It's been four years since the "E-Mail Incident" which managed to escalate it's way up to the fucking $BigCorp boardroom inside 36 hours. Had to lay low for a few months as well as outperform third line support worldwide to get that one to blow over. I haven't sent anything like it since. Did someone get upset about the Helpful Hints mail I try to send out every month with various suggestions and methods to ease work?

"Don't ever tell Core Care 'No.'"


"When they tell you a customer wants a call-back, agree."
"But I told the mook that I was in the middle of writing the solution."
"Don't ever tell Core Care 'No.'"
"Uhh... OK. So I now have to call the fuckwits?"
"No, but don't ever tell Core Care that."
"Didn't plan to. So we're cool?"
"No we're definitely not cool. When you buy me a Maß of beer, that's when we'll be cool" Six euros to get out of the doghouse? Deal.

And just as I finish typing this there's a new mail which has come in. Core Care, natch'.


Anonymous Anonymous pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Hmmm... maybe you should have bought a few of these miracle cables and sucked them through an inter-dimensional portal into the nearest washing machine.

19 June, 2008 12:14  
Anonymous Anonymous pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

them = the complaining lusers & management

19 June, 2008 12:17  

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.