Running on empty?
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Where unemployment looks like a dream, not a fear.
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Currently in $Telco app, department identity is getting generated with A5-. We wanted identity to start with 71- instead of A5-.
1. Can you please let us know the possible solution for this?
Currently our database is going to migrate from Oracle 9i to Oracle 10g. So the approach you suggest will it be applicable for both oracle clients i.e. Oracle 9i or Oracle 10g.
2. Also we wanted to know if we start generating the department identity with 71- then do you foresee any issues while accessing orders / faults / asset data which is present in the current application.
Do let us know if you require more information.
Thanks & Regards,
Hi_ Thanks for the update.Da fuck? Since when does a database version affect the contents of a fucking 8-character field? I don't care what's in the table. There's one field to change and it's the only field you can touch on this table without blowing up your system.
we got following queries on the approach suggested by you.
a) The approach of changing _DEPT_IDENT_ field of the YBA_IDENTIFICATION table_ will it work in both clients i.e. Oracle 9 and Oracle 10_
b) If we do above change then will it have any impact on the inlife date i.e. orders_ faults and assets data present on production system.
c) After above _DEPT_IDENT_ field change_ do we have to do a complete enterprise restart or can this change be done online without restart the server.
I have attached the extract of YBA_IDENTIFICATION table from production environment for your reference. Do let me know if you need more information. Thanks and Regards
will it work in both clients i.e. Oracle 9i & Oracle 10g?And that should have finally been the end of it. Except that it never is.
It's not something you repeatedly change. It's changed once by the administrator.
b) If we do above change then will it have any impact on the inlife date
This is an internal reference number which is combined with SEQUENCEs to build serial and reference numbers. Noi historical data can be affected.
c) do we have to do a complete enterprise bounce
Yes.
Pleas having the manager calling to confirm because this does not seem fully correct. and we need to know before we initiate the effect.
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Unable to move 855159 files to new folder on different machine xcopy fails to file all files and ntbackup cannot backup all files to disk destination server has to tape drive mediaAnd this has what to do with our applications? Your fucking disk is full. Not my problem. Delete all those fucking stileproject pr0n clips, you shitcock.
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One day I walked into a Baskin Robbins ice cream shop and ordered a slice of pepperoni pizza."And that's when I got it," said my brother. Yeah, I get it, too. If only such realisation could provide me the same calm it gave my brother you couldn't hide a basketball in that my-head-shaped-dent in front of my keyboard.
"We're an ice cream shop, sir, " said the guy at the counter. "We don't serve pizza here." I was angry. I wanted a piece of pizza but this guy wouldn't sell me a piece. "What do you mean you don't have pizza! You're a restaurant! You have food! I want a slice of pepperoni pizza!" I screamed.
"We only have ice cream, sir," the guy replied. I was furious and stormed out of the place screaming.
The next day I went back to the Baskin Robbins. There was the guy again. "Gimme a slice of pepperoni pizza, please," I asked him. "I'm sorry sir, but this is an ice cream parlour. We only have ice cream. We don't have pizza here."
I started screaming at him again. "What the hell are you talking about?! I don't want any ice cream. I just want a damned piece of pizza!" He just stood there shaking his head, saying, "I'm sorry sir, but I can't help you." I was fit to be tied and stormed out of the place, hungry as hell and cursing up a storm.
The next day I went back again. "How can I help you, sir?"
"Hi there," I said with a smile. "I'd like to have a slice of pepperoni pizza, please."
"Sir, I keep telling you, we're an ice cream parlour, not a pizzeria. If you want pizza there's a place around the corner that makes great pizza. But we only have ice cream here. I would love to give you some pizza but we don't have any. We just have ice cream."
I started banging my fists on the counter and screaming at the guy again. How dare he not serve me that stupid slice of pizza! I'm a paying customer! I want some pizza and this is a restaurant! I walked out furious and screaming some more.
Do you get it?
We need to disable IE7 compatibility mode on the web server using custom headersOK, fine. Do X, Y, and Z. Restart to clear all caches and Robert becomes the name of your father's brother.
Thanks for confirming disabling IE7 compatibility using {long, enumerated list of steps just in case}. Another part of my request you didn't answer was as how to confirm the results at the client side i.e. those settings are in effect i.e. how to confirm after making those changes that IE7 compatibility has been turned off. Are there any $YourBigApp logs that we can check?A question I didn't answer perhaps because you didn't ask? No matter, the answer's simple. This is a Web server matter and as such, nothing we could log even if we wanted to. You'll know you've done it correctly if $OurBigApp works, which you've confirmed it now does. You can look in the Web server logs and contact the vendor if you need further data.
Not necessarily the answer I was looking for, I'll do some digging on my own.You want that in a cone or a cup? Closed as a Root Cause: 6.5-No Customer Research with a side order of 17.
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What a way to start the day. A quick look showed Srini works for $BigInterwebs who are still in development. You can't have a Prio-1 if you're in development, and if you want 'round the clock support, $MegaCorp makes you pay extra for it. So I don't feel too bad that it was almost lunch before I even see just the tip of this iceberg.
Reading through the problem, it was going to be after lunch before I answered it. The puppy needed feeds and it's marked Prio-3 (because that's what it is).
I'm not being as much of a dick as it seems. Srini is in California; his day starts after mine is well over, and thank fuck for that because it means he's unlikely to ever get up early enough to try calling me. Copypasta continues:
$YourBigApp %datastore% param has a limit of 255 char length since we are limited with 4 filesystem folders in our Production Environment so unable to include additional folders.Please let us know below are there any available options!!A field length of 256 characters for the directory list should be able to allow even the least creative out there to specify at least 10 sub-directory location. And since one subdirectory can safely hold around 2.1 billion (~231), it's going to be a special challenge to run out of room anytime soon. And I told him so, even explaining how to map and rename in a network-neutral sort of way.
1. Reference a config file to maintain this param value or any enhancement in future.
2. Any alternative to specify a way to store more folder names
Escalate!! make the priority to 2!!
We have a limitation on the filer provided NetApp storage which can accomdate 91k files per folder but our environment creates around 40K files per day since we have trasncripts,email and other attachments. This is the defect..
Labels: file system, fuckwits, root cause 17
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Labels: decades
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-----Original Message-----
From: $MegaCorp IT
Sent: 2010.06.12 21:08
To: REC
Subject: Re: Ticket DE1755-FG12 - Smee again. Moar mail quota pleez
Your inbox contains over 14,000 mails. Your older mail should be archived. We must have a justification for this amount of mail server usage.
From: Sal P.No problem. Sorry but we're waiting on QA for confirmation. I'll let you know as soon as I have the info.
Sent: 2010.04.22 21:51
To: REC
Subject: Legit question
From: Sal P.I told you yesterday we're waiting on QA. I also told you yesterday that I'll let you know as soon as I have the info.
Sent: 2010.04.23 21:36
To: REC
Subject: Re: Legit question
Body: Any update?
From: Sal P.You're pissing me off, Sal. When I get the info I'll fucking tell you.
Sent: 2010.05.03 21:36
To: REC
Subject: Re: Legit question
Body: ANY UPDATE YET?????????
From: Sal P.I don't have QA confirmation yet. Wash out your twatsilicates.
Sent: 2010.05.11 22:15
To: REC
CC: $Clueless1, $Clueless2, Sal's_Manager
Subject: REC won't answer my question!
From: Sal's_ManagerYou fucking fuck.
Sent: 2010.05.20 00:47
To: Sal's_Manager's_Manager
CC: Sal
Subject: FW: Re: REC won't answer my question!
Body: REC should answer Sal's question.
From: Sal's_Manager's_ManagerNo surprise.
Sent: 2010.05.26 03:18
To: Sal's_Manager's_Manager's_Manager
CC: Sal, Sal's_Manager, Sal's_Manager's_Manager
Subject: Re: FW: RE: REC won't answer my question!
Body: REC should answer Sal's question.
From: Sal's_Manager's_Manager's_ManagerWTF?
Sent: 2010.06.01 09:14
To: REC's_Manager
CC: Sal, Sal's_Manager, Sal's_Manager's_Manager
Subject: Re: FW: RE: REC won't answer my question!
Body: REC should answer Sal's question. Didn't we have a problem with with REC's responsiveness before? Please discuss the matter with him.
From: REC's_ManagerSurprise!!!
Sent: 2010.06.03 09:14
To: REC
Subject: FW: Re: FW: RE: REC won't answer my question!
Body:Can you please respond to Sal's question immediately?
From: REC
Sent: 2010.06.01 11:33
To: everyone in the two mail chains
Subject: Re: FW: Re: REC won't answer my question!
Attachment: $Mail1, $Mail2, $Mail3, $Mail4, $Mail5, $Mail6
Body:All,
I have already sent out an E-Mail explaining that this document has been updated. Attached please see the mails I'd previously sent directly to Sal (22 April, 23 April and again a week later on 03 May -- attachments 1-3) that QA had to confirm information about $Problem. Once I finally had the information I updated documents and included a special note. This was only just confirmed and approved by QA on 18 May.
I updated and then announced the document to my manager on 19May. He forwarded this to $REC's_Manager's_Manager to then be pushed worldwide (see attachment 4). I also sent a direct note to Sal and included a copy of that announcement mail (attachment 5), answering his question in full and adding a lot of extra information to ensure customer satisfaction with Sal's thorough answer.
I'm sorry it took so long but that was entirely out of my hands. I don't have the authority to make QA confirmations such as those concerning this or any other similar matter.
This is not the first time Sal has demonstrated a lack of patience and understanding of the business processes we follow. Two years ago Sal started escalating demands for response and action on my part as we waited for a patch simply because I was the one who filed the defect (see attachments 5 & 6). Perhaps that is what Sal's_Manager's_Manager's_Manager is thinking of because we have had no other direct contact since then.
Please note that I have been on vacation for the past 10 days and will not be back in the office until next Friday.
Love,
REC
Labels: backstabbing, communications skills, memory
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MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEESPlease remember that Section 4c of the $MegaCorp employment contract specifically prohibits bringing weapons or objects which could be used as a weapon onto any $MegaCorp premises at any time. For further information on $MegaCorp policies concerning weapons and employee safety please click here.
I might expect this to work in a Unicode deployment, but anything else I'm fairly sure would fail.Because he's an expert in...
Labels: ASCII, codepage, cow-orkers, stupid, Unicode, weapons
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IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL EMPLOYEES: $MegaCorp has limited permission to use select trademarks, images, and characters. WE MAY NOT repurpose these assets in any way or create separate materials using said trademarks, images, or characters. © 2010 ABCDEFG. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. TM & © 1942-2010. We will sue your ass.That's right, $MegaCorp has spent millions of dollars to ensure that our fucking logo appears for at least 1½ seconds somewhere in a fucking superhero film. And not just any superhero film but a fucking sequel which is already expected to go straight to DVD. Because the super-influential PFYs who might watch this steaming pile of crap could just possibly notice our logo during its two-second appearance and therefore feel compelled to ensure their companies spend $80M/year on our products.
Or the entire fucking rest of us could maybe have a goddamned COLA raise. We're not even looking for something like the board gave themselves (about three billion-with-a-B), just enough to be able to cover the fucking cost of this year's rent and fuel increases.
We sponsor the shittiest plane in the world. It has our logo on it. The cost of our logo (which is smaller than even the most timid tagger would make) could give every employee a $10K raise. The plane is so shit that it makes a crashed Tupolev look like a fucking museum piece P-51 Mustang. The pilot flies better when he's drunk (although so do I but don't tell the FAA because I'd hate to lose my ticket).
We sponsor some fucking bicycle-rider. Never mind that this isn't a sport so much as a commuter activity for most of $MegaCorp's employees, those In The Know feel it necessary to pay for a finger-sized logo on some twat's two-wheeler. A twat who'd never survive working for just one hour as a courier in NYC or San Fran. A cuntnuzzle who has quite publicly fallen over while competing, an action our wares really shouldn't be associated with.
We also sponsor some car. In exchange for sporting our logo over the right fender on a sticker so small a single square of toilet paper could cover it and most of the candy bar logo which rides above it, $MegaCorp spends more on this than a $20K/employee raise would cost.
Like the airplane, the car hasn't won a single fucking race ever. Which is why we need to spend more money this year to sponsor it. Because the seven people in the world who give a shit about watching useless hippies driving weird cars in circles around abandoned tracks for 32 hours at a stretch might get a glimpse of our logo and feel compelled to spend $200 million of their company's money on our products.
Instead of paying their own employees enough to pay their own fucking bills. Just like $MegaCorp.
Labels: sponsorship
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Labels: bell curve
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Labels: dilbert sucks
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HAAALLLP! While installing $YourBigApp client the installation process gets hanged. Coudl you please let us know the reason behind it?Elves? Fairies? Madonna's plastic surgeon is bored? Really, throw me a bone here. Give me something to start with here. Logs? Screenshot? A description of the system you're working on? A version number? A description of the tea leaves or chicken entrails? Something?!
Hi,
There is no error thrown while installing on our machines. However while installing the software i.e install.exe,the installation process starts.Also the status bar shows the progress in %s but the moment it achieves 100% process gets hang.Ideally we would expect the process to get complete and close by itself but intead we had to explicitly kill the installation process as it gets hanged.
Also we observed that some of the drivers(mainly drivers connecting to db) went missing from the machine hence we had to format our machine again since we were not sure whether $YourBigApp was installed properly.
Could you please let me know what type of logs are you looking for in your below response?
Also it would be helpful if you could also mention the path where we could find the logs requested by you?
Labels: cool Flash games, logs
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Labels: Icelandic music
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Labels: Friday fuckwits
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REC> J.J., that ticket 4c55-5255q1e?No answer. Cut and paste into an email and thirty mintues later, around 2:45pm...
REC> Have you worked with this issue before? This is a matter of unreported Production data loss which doesn't leave a trace or throw an error.
REC> You grabbed the SR just before I could take it.
REC> I'm the guy who did the testing and resolution for the issue and we have all the lab machines set up in case the initial fixes don't work.
Hello REC,You "would be in touch" with me after talking to PM? When I'm the guy you're supposed to go through to get to PM? This'll be interesting. You can "be in touch" all you want, I'm just going to tell you to fuck off. I offered to take it. You had your chance.
I have taken ownership for now as $BigChain has special contractual support agreement and being SCS account, we do provide initial work for the issues.
Apparently this issue seems to be fixed in version 3.7.c.12 but as $BigChain has been delivered customizing product supported and I would need to discuss with Product Management, the feasibility of incorporting this issue in they're build.
I would be in touch with you after my discussion with product manager.
Dear $MistarManager
Once again you're in a hole and once again I've thrown you a rope. I took Tickets A, B, C, D, E and F for you. I also tried to take ticket 4c55-5255q1e but J.J. got it first and insisted on working it himself. I tried to explain that I'm the expert and that this issue always ends up going through me which is why it should go TO me but he insisted on holding it. I'm letting you know now that with the massive queue I already have plus these extras I took for you I will not have time to help him when he comes back with his tail between his legs begging for my assistance, especially since it wouldn't count towards my quotas even if it was transferred to me now.
Cheers,
REC
Hello REC,Go fuck yourself, J.J. You can look through the notes in 40 related tickets to find the dozen defects, two of which include the full testing protocol (only one of which is correct). You can build your own fucking repro environment. No, I can't share ours with you because we built our machines on a local network which can't route outside our office due to $MegaCorp networking rules. Ain't my quota, ain't my ticket, ain't my problem.
Based on my discussion with Project lead, we would like to repro this issue in $BigChain build BC4.t.2 RT41. As this is customized build and engineering support would be available, if this issue could be reproduced in the Engineering provided custom build.
I would highly appreciate, if you can provide me exact sequence of steps to reproduce this issue.
Regards,
JJ
Labels: Harmonization, shitbags, The System, Tower Defense
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dir
. That does not make him an administrator.cat
and grep
using Cygwin, you're a trained chimp. The search function in Notepad is not the way you sort through thread IDs in a 500MB log and no, your m4d Excel sk1llZ don't cut it either.#!/bin/bashIt ends with echo "Ook."
alias c:="C:"
alias dir="ls -lF"
alias del="rm -iv"
alias move="mv -iv"
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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:
DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.