Myself Wants to Help You
I went to the store.
Joe and I work in the same building.
Signing documents is something I hate to do.
I am called ReallyEvilCanine.
"Me" is an object pronoun.
The person who went to the store was me.
Julie asked Joe and me the same question.
She gave me the documents to Sign.
The person using the nickname "ReallyEvilCanine" is really me.
"Myself" is a reflexive pronoun. That means it reflects back to a previously used or implied pronoun in the same sentence. It does not and cannot stand alone in English. "Myself" can only appear in a sentence where the subject/object pronoun has already been used:
I went to the store myself. (because someone else I'd asked to do so didn't)
I myself don't care for black pudding.
I don't care for black pudding myself.
"Myself" is not a subject:
Myself went to the store.
"Myself" is not an object:
She gave myself the documents to sign.
Stop it already! You sound like a pretentious twat when you say or write "myself" instead of "I" or "me". Like in that mail I just got which opens with "Hi Glynda and REC, $BigManager has asked REC and myself to hold $AreaSpecialty conference calls with yourself.
Abusing the reflexive form like this makes you look like a fuckwit trying to impress people with your incredible literacy skills when you are, in fact, demonstrating just how fucking incompetent you are when it comes to basic language usage in the muvver tongue. You display your desperation for the esteem you think you'll earn by using more profligate oratory, you cuntnuzzle.
In other news, I am proud to announce that no matter which major site you use, a search for "fuckwit" and "cuntnuzzle" returns only my blog, but I'm also gutted that I no longer own the phrase "Citrix sucks" (although you can find me with "citrix sucks ass").