Friday, April 09, 2010

Surfers, timed bukkakke, depression and fuckwits:

They all come in waves.

♫ It's just another Fuckwit Friday
An 'Eat Shit and Die" day,
My 'gonna make you cry' day,
It's just another Fuckwit Friday ♬

1) $GiantTelco
We need the checklist & precautions to take before running FilesysChecker
You need what? The entire procedure is documented from start to finish in steps so simple your neighbour's smelly dog could follow them.

Yes we are read the documentations but we want ALL the precautions to take.
Because we hide shit and only give you the complete answer if you annoy us enough?

Closed: Seventeen.

2) $BigBank
We are upgrading to SQL Server 2005 but your version 4.c says it doesn't support it. It has to support SQL Server 2005.
We don't support it for version 4.c. Upgrade to our version 4.g or higher.

We can't upgrade your software too. You must support SQL Server 2005 since you support SQL Server 2000.
You want to "upgrade" Foxbase Pro SQL Server to a previous and soon-to-be-unsupported version 2005 but are unwilling to upgrade our software as well? And you think we are somehow required to rewrite our EOL'd version which we wrote eight years ago because you're that laszy or incompetent?

Closed: Seventeen.

3) $CarCo
$YourBigApp is fail to connect to server in our system
Could you be any less specific? Describe the problem, how I reproduce it, and send me logs.

No logs excepting in Active Directory which fails. So you can't reach $YourBigApp. We need a fix as we need to go live today!
Wha-wha-wha-what? You have a problem with Active Directory? Our app is AD-compliant. Just punch in the damned machine names, admin users and their passwords and Robert is one of your parents' siblings.

We can't get the Active Directory account to work and our administrator is not here. You need to tell us how to fix this! We are to go live already!
You expect me to remotely and blindly act like your network and system admin?

Closed: Seventeen.

5) $ComputerCorp
Does $YourBigApp version 6.b support Unicode? The Reference Guide says yes but we're not sure.
You're "not sure"? About the contents of the one document to which we are most legally beholden? The one which we <click clickety-click> regularly tell you to look at because it answers all of your questions?

Closed: Seventeen.

5) $DevelopingNationTelco
File system: we use windwos and are concerning that there are many attachments in attachments directory to more then 1 millions. how do we make more directorys because this is surely to much
It's not too much. A Windows directory can hold about 4.3 billion-with-a-B files. It can hold more than half that before there's any noticeable change in performance. Don't worry.

But surely one millions files is too much to look through for one directory. how can we fix this
This is a machine-only directory. YOU aren'tsupposed to look through it. YOU are supposed to leave it the fuck alone.

This is too many files for us to look at administrating the files. Please what can we do to make less?
Stop attaching so many damned files?

Closed: Seventeen.

5) $FinanceInc
Is there a downside of having the $FunctionServer database set to GMT using the Universal Time Coordinate?
Only if you see "being able to display and correlate all the timestamps with the rest of the system you converted to UTC last year" as being a "downside".

Closed: Seventeen.

These were all tickets from just this week.



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and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.