Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Return

Two weeks away from the CubeDesk of Hate was nice (despite severe food poisoning last week), especially since I didn't log into $MegaCorp's networks even once. Unfortunately that meant I came back to a few thousand mails about:
  • the latest emergencies arising out of fuckwitted actions ("We 'fixed' stuff and now it's all broken!")
  • more than a thousand useless mails due to one fuckwit's improper use of a special case mailing list and hundreds of other fuckwits responding to the listserv
  • Further stupid Daylight Savings Time questions ("Do we have to change the dates every month?")
  • Questions about other specialty areas
  • Escalations because I didn't respond to urgent mail within 12 hours
  • Complaints from managers because the Out Of Office function in our E-Mail system is b0rked.
  • A marriage announcement and 140 follow-ups to that
  • Escalations from customers who re-opened year-old tickets and then escalated because the new question wasn't answered inside 24 hours, never mind the fact that we forbid re-opening tickets after 30 days.
  • And so on, and so on, and so on...

At least Mini-Me did a good job of covering my tickets while I was gone.

My desk was clean, cleaner than I thought I'd left it. Turns out that Vera decided that it wasn't clean enough despite my having cleaned and organised everything three days before I left. She'd had time to tell me. Instead she "cleaned" it some more once I was gone. Normally I wouldn't complain about someone else cleaning up my mess, but that woman's idea of "cleaning up" meant she threw away various papers on my desk, some of which had important phone numbers, others which had password hints (necessary when the internal systems are so fucked that you need eleven different passwords (all of which must be changed every 90 days) to work.

It took an hour to come up with the right password just to unlock my mah-cheen.

She threw stuff away. Personal stuff. Highly illegal in Germany. And yet leaving footprints on her scalp can't be conducive to increases in the amount of money $MegaCorp dumps in my bank account each month. Neither do I have her by the short and curlies.

So the whole DST thing turned out to be one big fiasco. Arstechnica agrees. Techdirt agrees. Hell, I agree, too.

On the other hand, that shit gave me something like 70 tickets and direct contact with higher-ups in Engineering, Programming, PM, QA and various levels of management. I was very high-profile. I got two published Notices out of the deal, neither of which was difficult to write. Since Mini-Me assisted on a bunch of those tickets (building testbeds for me) it raised his profile, too. Everyone knew that the DST change was fucking pointless but it was mandated and therefore had to be done. High-profile customers were screaming for fixes. And I was the fucking axle for that wheel.

Giant, useless waste of money overall? Sure, but it was a godsend for me. Now I have to go back to taking shitty tickets and helping Mini_me with the shitty ones he gets stuck with, like this mook:
I downloaded two archives: something_part1of2.zip and something_part2of2.zip. Some of the folders had to be moved since WinZip didn't want to overwrite a directory. One of the folders contains the md5 files. So I the archive is encrypted with MD5 and I need a solution.
Rivest came up with MD5 16 years ago! Why do people who have jobs as administrators not understand that it's a hash, not an encryption method?! Fuckwits.


Blogger Central User pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Only 11 passwords? I've just totted up mine... 18 !! It's a nightmare and most force changes every month, but at slightly varying frequencies. Needless to say our Help Desk are well used to reseting passwords- after all with thousands of users their staff numbers are inflated by many purely to allow for all the password calls...

I hope you are recovered and have otherwise good memories of your holiday.

04 April, 2007 20:30  

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.