Tuesday, June 26, 2007

My House

You have to be really, really drunk to stumble home into the wrong house. Though I've been literally falling down drunk, I've never actually managed to show up at the wrong door as a result, although I have managed to walk up a couple extra flights of stairs before realising it. I'd be even more upset if someone I was paying to make sure I was in the right house insisted on putting my near-carcass in the IBM board room. I'd be angrier still if he insisted it was my fault because I had an IBM computer.

Strange? Yes, but not as strange as the Prio-1 ticket we got from $GlobalTechCorp, which started with the usual "HELP! ALL SYSTEM DOWN! YOUR FAULT! WE CHANGE NOTHING WRONG!"

Their ticket continued:
We have moved Production Server from 5.x( Network to 58.x( network, also we have moved it from one Domain to another Domain. Since then we are facing multiple issues and errors in starting services.

Inspite of giving all logon privileges to the dependency user for $YourBigApp services, it is still its not starting. We are also getting errors whenever I am login as "RPC LOCATOR encountered a problem Pls tell microsoft about the problem". I have tried to re-configure services but it is giving errors like "unable locate SERVER HOST". We are getting Similar erros at app servers end also.
It was like looking at the worst print ad ever: I sat there staring at the description with my patented WTF face, knowing there was something terribly wrong, but needing a few seconds for it to sink in.

Their IP address was 5-dot-something? That can't be right. This is an Indian company; all the low numbers are entire Class A IP blocks owned by the original ARPAnet participants like IBM, AT&T, DoD and Xerox. The 5-block is IANA's. I did a quick look-up and found out that the 58.2.x.x B-block is owned by some Indian ISP. Pinging these two different addresses told me everything else I needed to know. IANA wasn't using the 5.x IPs; the ISP was. Yeah, that would explain the RPC errors, the inability of every machine to to get an address and contact each other except via NetBEUI, all of it.

Resolved in about 20 seconds: fix domains, meet my friend NAT, fix routing, use your own damned IPs, Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit. I went to call the idiots and take ownership of the ticket but another monkey had beaten me to it. I'd waited to enter my ID to take the thing but held off to make sure it wouldn't blow up in my face, turn into a stinker, or possibly be handled by one of the corporate contacts who've managed to make the shitlist, people such as $BigBank's MookMan.

And just as I finished writing this, who should happen to submit a ticket? None other than the notorious MookMan himself. The room exploded with the howls of monkeys of different nationalities all trying to do their best Pacino/DeNiro Brooklyn: "Iss da mook! It's fockin' MookMan!"

One day a real rain is gonna come and wash the scum and the filth outta da server rooms.

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Blogger AAhelp pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Are you talking to me, mook? Are you talking to me?

Then just shoot him.

26 June, 2007 17:36  

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.