Friday, May 25, 2007

Hatred

If you work in sales, I already don't like you.
If you work in sales for $MegaCorp, go die.


Sales: $OurBigApp can do it all!
Customer: What about $Function?
Sales: Sure thing. Just sign here.
Customer: But does it also do $FunctionWeDon'tSupport
Sales: Abso-toodly-lutely. Just sign here.
Customer: We also want to use $OlderYourBigApp version since it's mature.
Sales: No problem. Just sign here.
Customer: And it'll do everything that $NewestVersionOfOurBigApp does?
Sales: 10-4, good buddy! Just sign here.
Customer: We want to install it on $UnsupportedOS
Sales: No problem. Just sign here.
Customer: And we want to use Citrix.
Sales: No problem. Just sign here.
Customer: And we want to use our old hardware which can barely run Windows 98.
Sales: No problem. Just sign here.

Some days pass.

Customer: We have a problem!
Manager: We have a problem!
√úbermanager: We have a problem!
Chief manager: We have a problem!
My manager: REC, you have a problem.


REC: It won't work.
My manager: It has to.
REC: It can't.
My manager: It has to.
REC: Impossible.
My manager: Figure out a way.
REC: Send them to $$$CUSTOM_PROGRAMMING$$$
√úbermanager: Can't. It's political.
My manager: This one's all yours. Enjoy your weekend.

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.