Friday, November 02, 2007

In My Absence

Thanks to Mini-Me I'm not getting fired although this could well be a curse in disguise. While I'm away that poor monkey's charged with the task of sorting all my ticket callbacks. There are only two or three that I expected could come back, all owned and run by some superlative fuckwits.

Maybe I should start sending out hand-scrawled resumes listing my education as "10th grade (twice)" with post-not-quite-graduate specialised studies in DOS 3.0 and Microsoft Works (no it doesn't!) at Jake & Abner's SuperTech Skool of Advanced Computamatic Training, (Big Bone Lick, Kentucky campus) because apparently it's attendees of such fine institutions who are being hired by the biggest names in corporate bigness worldwide.

The Scotchlandia portion of my vacation is over and thanks to management's speed in replying to me I wasn't able to book an affordable ticket to the US until Tuesday so I'm taking care of stuff at home, currently certain liquid items and a Web site redesign, with a purchase of computer parts planned tomorrow since the magic smoke escaped from three different places on the primary (games & Photoshop) machine, so no San Andreas for me before tomorrow night.

While catching up on my mail Mini-Me caught me logged into GhugelMail and we had a brief chat:
Mini-Me: : 'sup, canine.
REC: working on a site redesign.
Mini-Me: : I wanted to tell you I finished that ticket with the connectivity problem.
REC: Got the PHP shit working and now I'm breaking out headers and footers and shit. stupid old design with multi-nested tables I screwed up 10 years ago.
Mini-Me: fucking retards.
they didn't do shit.
REC: What do you mean?
Mini-Me: i had to fucking uninstall from their machine, during a webconf. they couldn't even run the script to collect info about all patches installed.
REC: fucking morons
Mini-Me: : after uninstalling the MS patches [documented in Notice A223-A1 which we told them to read back in August] the application ran fine and dandy
assholes.
and their boss, you remember the fag who couldn't 'organize' shit and wanted us to be "more analytic"? he didn't move a finger.
REC: ROOT CAUSE 17
Mini-Me: talked yesterday with him, he asked his subordinates if they attached this and that, they said no, and he just moved on.
I recorded the whole damn thing, it's attached to the ticket. good speed, low cpu, fast navigation.
they can kiss our monkey asses.
i've never seen anyone that lazy.
they couldn't even read the notice, I had to give them the list of shit to uninstall.
i talked to Vera this morning, she couldn't say shit to us.
she just listened and nodded.
REC: Four months and repeated attempts of explicit instructions and they couldn't even send a fucking ping result. I just showed my technotard girlfriend here how fucking complex it is to get a ping and a traceroute.
Mini-Me: it wouldn't surprise me for these morons to give bad numbers in the survey
REC: No doubt
Mini-Me: well, i taught these guys how to start > run, type msinfo32, enter and save the nfo file.
REC: Just as complex
Mini-Me: it took about 10-15 minutes.
REC: The fucking instructions on that were in the fucking request for info three months ago!
Mini-Me: who the fuck hired these guys?
they're IT...
they couldn't get organized enough to send in the ethereal logs.
and it's been 2 weeks.
oh, and another precious thing: the guy with the 150 mb filemon log.
he didn't take that log when they had issues with the server.
REC: Of course not
Mini-Me: you asked for a log, he gave you a log. you should have specified to take it during the outage.
you can't expect him to think that far.
REC: How stupid of me
Mini-Me: and your queue goes on and on...
Had I been on that conf call I would've lost it. I never would've had a chance to hit the mute button before exploding and I'd be scrawling out my resume. I wonder what kind of signing bonus I can demand if I manage to do it in blue crayon...

I can't get too upset though. Six distilleries visited in the past week, 12 rare bottles brought back, another week and a half of freedom to go, Absolut Pears finally available in Germany (though at a 40% premium). Things are looking OK. I may even get a chance to do some flying while in the States.

For the next few days I've got some very tedious site redesign to do. If anyone knows of a good site to learn PHP on (preferably with interactive tutorials) I'd appreciate a link. So far I've managed to INCLUDE the top segment and the sidebar menu from only one file each in one location and I've got PHP handling HTML files so I don't have to rename them but I'm sure there's more I can do to ease future pain. With the restructuring at the orifice I should have even more free time to build stupid Web sites. More on this in a week or two.

2 Comments:

Blogger AAhelp pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

That webconf took an hour and a half. For uninstalling a couple of MS KBs. It would normally take 5 minutes (reboot includded). Add 2 indians into the mix and it takes the same time it takes a soccer team to become world champion. Or bang soccer moms.
But I digress... I'm a monkey. And I consider becoming an alcoholic again during these webconfs.

There's a good part, though. It's my turn to go on vacation. It's REC's turn to watch the queues. We'll be wrecks when these vacations are over.
We are two tired monkeys.
Welcome to the support jungle!

03 November, 2007 09:07  
Blogger Vikingisson pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

If I had not been surrounded by workers and the kids I'd be rolling on the floor. But then I'd have to explain what was so funny and they wouldn't understand. Catch-22

San Adreas? Is that the island off the coast of Panama and claimed by Colombia? Been there and enjoyed it. After two days I was translating the patois to the Spanish/Colombian tourists. Funny how the middle aged Germans can turn any beach topless. The locals were amused..

18 November, 2007 18:52  

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