Friday, September 28, 2007

Arrogance

I want to rant. I won't because if I start to actually think about this current hell I call my job my head will explode just like in Scanners. I've got a massive load of tickets right now and every single one of them was submitted by the kind of person Compaq had to write FAQ 2859 for. These are people so fucking clueless my techno-tard girlfriend can actually say, "Wow! Even I know how to do that." I know this because when I told her about Mook-man's latest fucknuttery, that is exactly the phrase she spoke.

When I tell you four times that there are no trees with deep azure coloured leaves, asking me about this magical tree a fifth time isn't going to get you a different fucking answer. The tree is dead. The blue you see is the sky. Note how very un-leaf-like the sky, in fact, looks. One could say that, if there was a Great Designer, it was probably his intention from the very beginning to ensure that the sky would never look like anything remotely resembling a leaf.

As a result of my refusal to entertain stupidity and give incorrect answers, I'm labeled "arrogant". I can only think of one of my most favouritist bash quotes when I hear this. It's not "arrogance" when I give you a correct answer and refuse to consider your outlandish theories on what might be possible on Planet 10 in the 8th dimension if crickets had long tails. If you ask me a question, do not argue with me when I give you the answer. By asking me you have demonstrated that 1) you do not know the information and 2) you expect that I do. Even if you feel you may have been incorrect in your assumption in number 2, do not forget number 1! You do not know.

I notice it's almost always the ignorant who scream about another's arrogance, whether it be here in third-line software support, first-line help desk, cooking college or fucking arguments over religion on Teh Intarwebs. Being right is not being arrogant. Lording my correctness over you might be arrogance but the simple fact that I am correct is not. Repeatedly telling you that I am right when you question this is also not "arrogance". It is "responding to your question." Unless I rant at you the way I'm doing here which I don't do for the simple reason that, as it says in the disclaimer at the bottom of my blog, I have no desire to make the sky my ceiling nor a bus shelter my walls.

Case in point: Mook-Man's latest:

Mook: We can't install $ReportingStuff! "I am wondering if you may have suggestions to overcome this issue."
REC: Send logs.
Mook: Why send logs? You need to make it install! There are no logs since it didn't install.
REC: Please send me "install.txt" from the $ReportingStuff directory which is created when the installer starts before you even see the first screen. Send me our logs, too.
Mook: There are no logs on my machine. Make $ReportingStuff install!
Mook: 15 minutes later Hello? Are you there? I need an answer!
Mook: 45 minutes later ESCALATE! NO ANSWER! MONKEY IS NOT HELPFUL!
REC: The logs won't be on your machine. They'll be on the server.
Mook: I don't see install.txt.
REC: Send me our logs and all the Event Viewer stuff.
Mook: WE NEED SOLUTION!
Mook: 92 minutes later ESCALATE! ARROGANT MONKEY WON'T HELP US!
REC: Please send me the logs I asked for.
Mook: Here are the logs. We want a conference!!
I'd rather pose for the next goatse picture.
A look through the info reveals MSTSC and DameWare. I think I know what's going on here...
REC: Mook-man, did you try and install this over Terminal Server? That's a big no-no.
Mook: No. We use Remote Desktop Connection. CONFERENCE!
REC: Remote Desktop Connection is Terminal Services. Won't work.
Mook: But we always used it before.
Bullshit.
REC: It was never supported. It isn't supported now. The fact that you did it anyway explains the problems which have led to you opening more than a dozen other tickets. You must install locally.
Mook: "We have done the install this way in the past, but now we are unable to do so. Maybe you would get a better idea if we do a web conference, please let us know what time works for you."
I see someone went to some sort of Dale Carnegie training sessions.
REC: No conference. It won't work. Read document FOO, Chapter BAR, Page BAZ. It's repeated in Document BAR, Chapter BAZ, Page QUUX.
Mook: We find this answer unacceptable. We have installed with Remote Desktop Connection, not Terminal Server and it always worked before.
REC: No, it didn't work before, as evidenced by tickets (list of ticket numbers). It isn't supported as documented. It doesn't work at all now which you have already demonstrated.
Mook: But there must be a solution. Please set up a conference so that we can demonstrate.
I'd rather blow Tony Blair.
REC: The only solution is to install $ReportingStuff locally. That's it.
Mook: There must be another work-around. "Please let us know when you can set up the conference for us to show you."
REC: No. No conference. No support. No kidding. Ticket closed. Root Cause: 06-Customer (unsupported execution).

And in came the complaint to management the same day. I was not helpful. I didn't listen to his problem. I didn't provide a workable solution. I didn't provide a work-around. I am "arrogant". Luckily Vera has finally seen the light and understands that Mook-Man has enough sand in his vagina to double the Florida coastline. His complaints are as meaningless as the weight of a whisper and the colour of time.

I'm currently dealing with 43 other fuckwits just as dim as he.

2 Comments:

Anonymous kernelman pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

> When I tell you four times that there are no trees with deep azure coloured leaves, asking me about this magical tree a fifth time isn't going to get you a different fucking answer. The tree is dead. The blue you see is the sky. Note how very un-leaf-like the sky, in fact, looks. One could say that, if there was a Great Designer, it was probably his intention from the very beginning to ensure that the sky would never look like anything remotely resembling a leaf.

and

> His complaints are as meaningless as the weight of a whisper and the colour of time.

That was beautiful. I feel for your suffering, but without it, a small gem on the net would not have been here today.

Thanks and best of luck.

29 September, 2007 01:30  
Blogger ReallyEvilCanine pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Thank you. I was quite pleased with that last bit myself. Your compliment is very much appreciated.

04 October, 2007 23:02  

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.