Thursday, February 07, 2008

Weird Al

I love the film UHF. It had just the right amount of stupid and did a good job at parodying both TV and en entire genre of cheesy films which people like Adam Sandler still insist on making. As a bonus Victoria Jackson gets a lot of screen time.

Watching that film is one thing, living its vignettes is another.

I haven't had a ticket which could be considered even remotely interesting in over a month. What I've had are a bunch of fuckwits who watched this and thought it was a training video:

Update: embedding this vid was killed. Have a direct link.

A smattering of examples:

Do we need to mount the File System on Unix if it is located on Windows?
Nah. You just need to swap polarity on the network cables.

We do not understand, whether this user preference is some kind of server preference parameter, or if it is stored, in the CONTACTS table or what
You think -- despite my explanation -- that employee user preferences might be stored in the customer contact tables and you insist on appending "Systemwide and Database Engineer" to your name on all mail? The title alone speaks volumes.

Or this exchange:
Corp: Do you support 64-bit Windows 2003?
REC: No.
Corp: When will you support it?
REC: Never.
Corp: Why not?
REC: We don't process and calculate, we just move tons of data.
Corp: But we want 64-bit Windows
REC: Why?
Corp: Because it's 64 bits!
REC: And that's better because... why?
Corp: Because it's more than 32, duh! ESCALATE! MONKEY TOO STUPID TO REALISE 64 IS TEH BETTAR OF 32.
REC: You want to buy new hardware and a new OS to run our software which won't, in fact, be able to run our software half as well as your current hardware.
Corp: Yes it will!
REC: Who told you that?
Corp: The hardware vendor.

Fuckwits. Every last one of them. At this point I'd be thrilled to get a Citrix issue.

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Blogger AAhelp pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

This comment has been removed by the author.

07 February, 2008 19:22  
Blogger AAhelp pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

There's another: "Do you support Vista?" "Not now, there's still some testing involved." "When will it be supported?" "Can't tell, QA is discovering a lot of new features in Vista every day." "But we are deploying it now." "..." "Escalate!!!" "Well, if you need..." "In fact, no... we changed our mind" "Good. Sorry I can't tell you a precise date". "We'll ask your Sales guys. They'll know more".

Smart move, indeed. I bet the sales guys will tell them we also support 64-bit. Just sign here. What the hell, for 5% more we also support 65-bit.

07 February, 2008 19:24  
Anonymous Anonymous pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Please stop . . . I am urinating all over myself laughing at your posts . . .

20 February, 2008 15:39  

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and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.