Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Suit yourself

Dear $MistarManager, I told you this would happen. The entire method is wrong. Since you think you know better than me what I can resolve and demand I resolve whatever steaming pile of shit you dump into my queue, my resolution times have drastically increased. And that little "give back" that we coupldn't be given more than two of these steaming piles of shit per day has really come back to bite you in the ass, hasn't it?

So much so that $MistarManager has been reduced to sending the same kind of "please take an extra ticket or two" begging mail that he used to send before the Harmonization, except now -- by $MegaCorp's own rules -- he can no longer "strongly request" or outright demand any of us actually take another one, and now instead of 2-10 stinkers sitting in the queue there are more than 50! The fucking 'tard.

Just to prove my point I'm going to take three seven of them again. And all three will be resolved before fucking lunch despite all the additional, stupid, unnecessary, bureacratic proccess-driven TPS report covers that have to be numbered and stapled onto each ticket these days.

Right... Citrix, mine. Daylight Savings Time, mine. File System b0rked, min... WTF? Who the fuck grabbed that? I'm the fucker who wrote the book on this problem after weeks of testing and discovery and work with engineering on source code. No one knows this better than I do. There's a 90% chance that my first answer will be the final answer with no follow-up beyond "thanking yourself for the quickening services offered to ourselves thank you for this are you sure it does the needful and working is always the cases?"

Clickety-click-click cut open window paste click Hmm... J.J.? Who the fuck is this J.J. character? Clickety-click click click Oh, US Special Customer Services, and he's on-line. Ping him through IM:
REC> J.J., that ticket 4c55-5255q1e?
REC> Have you worked with this issue before? This is a matter of unreported Production data loss which doesn't leave a trace or throw an error.
REC> You grabbed the SR just before I could take it.
REC> I'm the guy who did the testing and resolution for the issue and we have all the lab machines set up in case the initial fixes don't work.
No answer. Cut and paste into an email and thirty mintues later, around 2:45pm...
Hello REC,

I have taken ownership for now as $BigChain has special contractual support agreement and being SCS account, we do provide initial work for the issues.

Apparently this issue seems to be fixed in version 3.7.c.12 but as $BigChain has been delivered customizing product supported and I would need to discuss with Product Management, the feasibility of incorporting this issue in they're build.

I would be in touch with you after my discussion with product manager.
You "would be in touch" with me after talking to PM? When I'm the guy you're supposed to go through to get to PM? This'll be interesting. You can "be in touch" all you want, I'm just going to tell you to fuck off. I offered to take it. You had your chance.

But first, a prophylactic mail to management:
Dear $MistarManager

Once again you're in a hole and once again I've thrown you a rope. I took Tickets A, B, C, D, E and F for you. I also tried to take ticket 4c55-5255q1e but J.J. got it first and insisted on working it himself. I tried to explain that I'm the expert and that this issue always ends up going through me which is why it should go TO me but he insisted on holding it. I'm letting you know now that with the massive queue I already have plus these extras I took for you I will not have time to help him when he comes back with his tail between his legs begging for my assistance, especially since it wouldn't count towards my quotas even if it was transferred to me now.


Came the reply: "Understood. Thanks, mate. I really appreciate all your effort."

Eight hours later, as I was trying to catch up to my wife's BejeweledBlitz score a mail popped up in the background. From J.J.
Hello REC,

Based on my discussion with Project lead, we would like to repro this issue in $BigChain build BC4.t.2 RT41. As this is customized build and engineering support would be available, if this issue could be reproduced in the Engineering provided custom build.

I would highly appreciate, if you can provide me exact sequence of steps to reproduce this issue.

Go fuck yourself, J.J. You can look through the notes in 40 related tickets to find the dozen defects, two of which include the full testing protocol (only one of which is correct). You can build your own fucking repro environment. No, I can't share ours with you because we built our machines on a local network which can't route outside our office due to $MegaCorp networking rules. Ain't my quota, ain't my ticket, ain't my problem.

I was thinking of making my own version of a Tower Defense game for $MegaCorp but why bother? Even my own side are creeps who need a good blasting.

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Anonymous Schoenberg pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Nothing like a little dissonance to cure excessive harmonization.

07 April, 2010 20:56  

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