Monday, May 07, 2007

We Don't Serve Off Menu

Way back when this dog first started earning income working a "proper" job (which paid about a tenth of what I also earned with my own business but which was supposedly good for building character), I became a quasi-manager of a certain fast food chain in an early attempt to climb the corporate ladder. It was good to be able to tell someone else to go fetch another 36-pound box of fries from the freezer downstairs instead of having to do it myself, and being able to give my girlfriend the shifts she wanted doing at the position she wanted certainly had its benefits.

But with authority comes responsibility, and Saturday night shifts sucked ass especially since the drunks would start arriving by 10pm and the flow continued all the way through 1:00a.m. when local bars closed and we did, too. This was back in the days when drunk driving was only just starting to be handled martially. Generally if a cop stopped your drunk ass, he'd be friendly, tell you to slow it down a bit and be careful.

Every Saturday night without fail I'd have to deal with fuckwits. Fuckwits like the drunk who demanded we make him a steak. At McQueenBurgerz.

REC: "We don't have steak."
Drunk: "Yes you do! You have to have beef to make the burgers!"
REC: "The burgers come already ground and formed."
Drunk: "So you don't grind the meat?"
REC: "No."
Drunk: "But you have ground beef, right?"
REC: "Ground, formed into burgers and frozen."
Drunk: "Well then I'll take meatloaf."
REC: "We don't have that either, sir."
Drunk: "But you said you have ground beef!"
REC: "Ground beef for hamburgers, already formed into hamburgers."
Drunk: "So thaw some out and then you can make meatloaf."
REC: "We can't make meatloaf, sir."
Drunk: "Sure you can! You got eggs for breakfast and ground beef. All you need is some bread crumbs."
REC: "We don't have any breadcrumbs, sir."
Drunk: "You have buns! You could make breadcrumbs from that!"
REC: "No we can't, sir. Everything we can serve is on the menu."

I pointed up. He looked up.

Drunk: "OK, if you won't give me the meatloaf I'll take the fish."
REC: "OK, one Fishy Fillay Sammich."
Drunk: "No, I don't want that sandwich. If I can't have a steak I want grilled fish."
REC: "I can't grill the fish, sir."
Drunk: "Sure you can! Instead of breading the fish just put it on the grill!"
REC: "The fish is already cut into filets, breaded and frozen."
Drunk: "Then take the breading off!"
REC: "I can't do that, sir. That's not what we sell."
Drunk: "But it's fish, right?"
REC: "Probably. Came out of the sea, anyway."
Drunk: "Huh?"
REC: "It's a filet, pre-formed, pre-breaded and pre-frozen. I can only fry and sell them as a sandwich."
Drunk: "Well what about a sloppy joe? You could make that with just some ketchup and burger meat."
REC: "We don't sell sloppy joes, sir. Only the items on the menu."

He looked up again.

This went on for a good 10 minutes and the guy was being serious. He wasn't asking for Coq au vin or Boeuf Bourguignon; he just wanted something that simply wasn't on the menu. I put up with it the whole time because it was so damned absurd that crew and customers alike were enjoying the show. Well, that and I thought that maybe the head manager sent this nutter in to test me. In the end the guy decided what he really, truly, absolutely had to have if he couldn't have steak was fried chicken. Which we didn't have. The Gino's next door did and I courteously directed him there. I was friends with the manager there; he didn't speak to me for a week.

I think the guy's working for $BigGameCo these days.
On page C-18, it talks about cluster solutions, and hp. The supported software is $ClusterPack. We use Veritas Cluster, on HP unix is this not supported?
No, it's not supported. If it's not listed in the Supported Systems Manual (SSM), it's not supported. If you want to use Veritas you do so at your own risk.

Root Cause 6-No research. I set the ticket information fields knowing this question had been answered. And that should've been that.

You said Veritas isn't supported but it's not listed in the SSM so how can you say it's not supported? Please confirm that it's supported since the SSM doesn't mention it.

The fucking SSM is called the "Supported Systems Manual" because it only lists what we support. If it ain't in there, we don't support it. We have no "Unsupported Systems Manual"; it would be impossible to list every fucking piece of software out there that we don't support. If you use Veritas, you do so at your own risk. Any problems and you need to contact them, not us.

I sent the answer out and refreshed the ticket a few times on the off-chance someone had finally added my Root Cause-17 Fuckwit to the drop-down list of causes. Not yet.

We think you should support Veritas and also list it or at least explain that it's not listed. Also, I don't even see linux listed under this section. Is clustering on linux not an option?

After smashing my head into the dent in front of my keyboard, I responded quickly and harshly to put this ticket out of my misery:

We don't support clustering on Linux because we don't support Linux for ANY version 3 software. At all. The only supported clustering solution is $ClusterPack, as explained in the SSM. If it's not in the SSM, it's not supported. Goddamn I want to close this fucking ticket.

Also, there's no mention about restrictions for Itanium processors in HP. Is this supported?

The SSM clearly states that version 3 software is only supported on PA-RISC systems. There's no mention of Itanium processors because we don't support them. If it's not in the SSM, it's not supported.

Below you state that you don't support Linux for ANY version 3.x software. I was told that you will support it with version 4c is that correct?

Yes, as it states in the 4c SSM, Linux is supported. Please refer to the SSM for these questions.

I've looked through the new SSM and there's still no word about support for clustering on Linux. Do you support clusters in Linux?

Gino's is no more but there's a KFC just down the street from here.

x-posted from HuSi, with a Scooby Doo poll.


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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.