A Good Start
Cold soda water? Check.
Mail? Checked. Nothing important.
Let's see what we have to deal with today:
We are seeing strange behaviour with data and time zone.
OK, what kind of problem is it exactly?
Our DB and operating systems are set to operate in Atlantic Time Zone. We found some discrepancies with time stamps on tickets created by people in EST. In many cases the created date/time is larger than resolved time.
Right. I can think of only two things that you did wrong to cause this and it should be pretty simple to fix. I can probably explain everything in a single-page mail. Did you send me screenshots or logs?
I would like to speak with support in this regard. Please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. [signed, Sanjay]
Not a fucking chance. Instead of doing this in writing so that I can spell everything out for you which you can then print out and follow carefully, you want to get me on the phone to listen to you droning on, repeatedly asking the same damned questions while ignoring anything I say. You'll forget half my answers and confuse the other half. This will result in you destroying your production system, the blame for which you'll lay on me as you call up screaming to escalate the issue while I'm asleep. Your company even has pull and might be able to get some VP to wake my sorry ass up at 3:00a.m. to groggily try and walk you through all the fixes your complete mess of a system will then need.
I'll leave this one for smart-assed n00bs who'll look through our Knowledge Base, figure it for a cherry, take it and then slog through for a couple of weeks. At some point said n00b will ask me for help. I'll send an answer earning me an Assist, sometimes better than racking up another ticket.
Metrics sorted, colleague assisted and no aggro from another fuckwit. What a way to start the day. If only the coffay wasn't absolute shit.