Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Headbanger's Ball

The my-shaped-dent in front of my keyboard is getting deeper and deeper. They're all so fucking stupid I don't know how the fuck these assmonkeys remember to breathe, and frankly I wish they'd stop already. It'd sure make my life easier.

$TouchyInsuranceCo is back. They've stopped scraping the bottom of the barrel to find IT employees and have headed over to the sewage pits with a few buckets. The current "Windows administrator" doesn't know how to copy files from within Explorer.

Here's the E-Mail and ticket update exchange. I'm not making this up, as Mini-Me can confirm.

Twaticus: We would like to know what is the maximum size limit on file system folder. Currently the size of $ABC folder is 80 GB. When do we decide to move to new file system folder?
REC: No limit. Add volumes if you want. No need to move the file system unless you have more than two billion actual files.
Twaticus: If we create new file system, do we need to create all the sub folders from Old file system to the new file system?
REC: If you insist on moving it, just move the entire file system parent directory and structure over from the old system to the new. There's nothing else to do besides update the path the cfg files.
Twaticus:You mean we need to create just the structure like [complex structure redacted]
REC: No. Just more the parent folder, the one called "FileSystem".

OK, it's coming. The part you won't believe. I sure as fuck didn't. I checked the audit trail to see if Mini-Me or someone else was fucking with me and changed what this fuckwit actually wrote.

Twaticus:So we should not copy the files which were existing under these folders in the old file system. Pls advise.

[Second mail 13 minutes later:] Moreover if we only mention the new file system path, how the users will be able to open old attachments?

Gobsmacked, I tell ya.

REC: Do not create anything. Copy over the entire File System root directory WITH all the subdirectories AND all the files contained within from the old location to the new.
Twaticus:There is a difference between What you suggest and what is written in the System Admin documents
REC: What are you talking about? Please cite the book, chapter, section and page number.
Twaticus:[Citation provided]

So I read through this big long section which, in essence, says what I did but does so over three pages. This document was clearly written by some outsourced contractor being paid by volume, not content.

REC: It says exactly what I said but includes more complicated directions for moving the file system when the system isn't taken off-line and when you're over 2 billion files and Windows isn't able to store more files in that directory.
Twaticus: What tool exists for to move the files to the different drive?
REC: ... *THUNK*

Motherfuck how can anyone be so fucking stupid? He reminds me of this guy in boot camp who was kicked out of our company inside a week because he was unable to march even when the drill instructor was screaming out "LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT!" Incredible. It's a special kind of stupid that lets you get confused over which foot to move next. Twaticus has drunk deeply from that well.

While I want to close the ticket with a Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit, I'm still waiting for its implementation. I did find an error in the documents he mentioned though -- a holdover from about 7 years ago -- so we close this as a Defect and make my metrics prettier. But the real defect here isn't the documentation...

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Blogger AAhelp pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

True story. Worst part is, every week or so we come across such a specimen.
My name is Mini-Me and I see dumb tickets. Maybe I should throw away the monitor.
I also hear voices in my head, and they're all idiots. Maybe I should throw away the headset connected to my phone.
Give the dog a bone and the slave a break.

13 September, 2007 11:12  
Anonymous MollyB pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Sounds like you should send the dude to law school.

20 September, 2007 11:01  

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and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.