In other news: if I catch the person who keeps throwing away my jars of mustard and mayo he's going to find out about Survival of the Evilist when I go all Darwin on his ass.
A particular ticket has been dragging on for months. Thanks to a number of my absences Mini-Me's been in on the action. Their claim is that $OurBigApp doesn't work. There are "communication problems" and user sessions constantly die, resulting in lost work and much logging in again and again. For five months they've displayed a level of incompetence on par with that of FEMA during a CAT-5 hurricane.
We again were forced to participate in a Web and phone conference. They again tried to first connect via Citrix. I again told them to cut it out. They again tried to connect via terminal services. I again told them to cut it out. They again were unable to reproduce the problem.
As four different "admins" in three different locations -- none of whom knew what the other was doing or had done -- struggled to get a machine up and connected, I directed a question at the lead "admin". The words came out before the brain could stop them: "So this issue that we've been working on is about 'connectivity problems'... which you've been continually unable to demonstrate to us in conferences you've demanded we hold because of... your own internal connectivity problems, right?"
"Yes. I mean, no! I mean, not as such. We're trying to demonstrate this for you now."
"You're trying to demonstrate connectivity problems but you can't because you're having connectivity problems."
"You don't understand what the problem is."
Yes I do, Sparky. I showed you back in July that your traceroutes demonstrated the problem quite clearly. I told you back then that when 60% of your internal network pings fail, your network sucks and it rather than $OurBigApp is the source of your trouble. You refuse to accept this fact. If our app can't communicate with the server, it hangs and dies. This should not be a surprise, especially to someone who works as a system administrator for one of the world's top-ten telecomms providers.
There's another conference next week. Mini-Me and I are intent on closing this ticket with a Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit within an hour of hanging up on them.