Please Allow Me to Introduce 'Myself'
I went to the store.
Joe and I work in the same building.
Signing documents is something I hate to do.
I am called ReallyEvilCanine.
"Me" is an object pronoun.
You were talking to me on the phone earlier.
Julie asked Joe and me the same question.
She gave me the documents to sign.
"Myself" is a reflexive pronoun. That means it reflects back to a previously used or implied pronoun. It does not and cannot stand alone in English. "Myself" can only appear in a sentence where the pronoun I or me was already used:
I went to the store myself (because someone else I'd asked to do so didn't).
I myself don't care for black pudding. OR I don't care for black pudding myself.
"Myself" is not a subject:
Myself went to the store.
"Myself" is not an object:
She gave myself the documents to sign.
Stop it already! Using "myself" rather than "I" or "me" does not make you sound clever or important. It makes you look like a fucking twat trying to impress people with your incredible literacy skills when you are, in fact, demonstrating just how fucking incompetent you are when it comes to basic language usage.
In other news, this made me laugh a lot harder than it should have done.