Friday, December 07, 2007

Creation 'Science'

Over at Whateveresque there's a LOLCreashun thread with LOLcats-style TOAP on John Scalzi's Creationist Museum photos. While some of them are pretty good, one particular picture stands out. User "saswann" summed up my daily life.

In other news: if I catch the person who keeps throwing away my jars of mustard and mayo he's going to find out about Survival of the Evilist when I go all Darwin on his ass.

A particular ticket has been dragging on for months. Thanks to a number of my absences Mini-Me's been in on the action. Their claim is that $OurBigApp doesn't work. There are "communication problems" and user sessions constantly die, resulting in lost work and much logging in again and again. For five months they've displayed a level of incompetence on par with that of FEMA during a CAT-5 hurricane.

We again were forced to participate in a Web and phone conference. They again tried to first connect via Citrix. I again told them to cut it out. They again tried to connect via terminal services. I again told them to cut it out. They again were unable to reproduce the problem.

As four different "admins" in three different locations -- none of whom knew what the other was doing or had done -- struggled to get a machine up and connected, I directed a question at the lead "admin". The words came out before the brain could stop them: "So this issue that we've been working on is about 'connectivity problems'... which you've been continually unable to demonstrate to us in conferences you've demanded we hold because of... your own internal connectivity problems, right?"

"Yes. I mean, no! I mean, not as such. We're trying to demonstrate this for you now."
"You're trying to demonstrate connectivity problems but you can't because you're having connectivity problems."
"You don't understand what the problem is."

Yes I do, Sparky. I showed you back in July that your traceroutes demonstrated the problem quite clearly. I told you back then that when 60% of your internal network pings fail, your network sucks and it rather than $OurBigApp is the source of your trouble. You refuse to accept this fact. If our app can't communicate with the server, it hangs and dies. This should not be a surprise, especially to someone who works as a system administrator for one of the world's top-ten telecomms providers.

There's another conference next week. Mini-Me and I are intent on closing this ticket with a Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit within an hour of hanging up on them.



Anonymous Anonymous pulled out a crayon and scribbled:


Customer sysadmin = since that 4th line that went down on the quad bonded Adsl you put in, was repaired our VPN has been flakey

me = so it runs fine on 3 lines but your vpn drops on 4 lines?

Customer sysadmin = yes

me = how are you measuring this?

Customer sysadmin = pinging -t the server in toronto (from london)

me = can you set off a ping -t to google on 3 lines and bring up the 4th, and let us know what happens. if the google ping and vpn drops i'll schedule a reboot of the cisco as a first test, then go from there.

if vpn continues to drop but the ping to google doesnt you have a problem with your firewall/vpn, not our cisco or dsl circuits

no calls back so far....

i rest my case, basic troubleshooting by these people isnt to much to ask is it?

the ones that claim its why they pay us to fix it or figure it out, while they just blindly stumble on, and after surfing for cracked software their pcs run crap now are the worse. do they just drive their cars till they run out petrol and then blame the garage mechanic coz they weren't being pro-active or something.

there's enough evidence of the stupidity of so many people it'd kill us if we cared about it enough. just wash it off and move on

21 March, 2008 18:42  

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and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.