Friday, February 29, 2008

Terms of Enragement

un·planned (ŭn-plānd')
adj.
1. Not intended; unintentional.
2.
a. Having no particular purpose, organization, or structure; random.
b. Not thought out or prepared in advance; spontaneous: an unplanned adventure; an unplanned picnic.

My E-Mail today:
*** MEGACORP NOTICE ***
**** CONFIDENTIAL ****


*** URGENT NOTICE ***

$ServiceApplication will have an unplanned emergency outage for important patching tomorrow, 01 MARCH 2008, from 07:00 to 08:00 EST.

Customers will not be able to log issues during this time. Employees will not be able to access the database at this time. Customers should call the 800- hotline.

blah blah blah

If you know it's going to happen at some time in the future, and you send out messages to warn people that it will happen in the future, then it can't fucking be "unplanned" you fucking morons!

Maybe someone can explain to me why we're keeping this Confidential. If the customers won't be able to log in, how the fuck will they know to call the fucking 800-number?

How the fuck does anything get done around here when everything is designed and run by mental midgets who make junior beauty pageant contestants look like fucking atomic physicists?! I heard less idiocy from my cow-orkers at McDonald's when I worked there as a teenager. At times it's tempting to just go back to fast food management, where the system in place is sensible and the hardest things to deal with are ensuring the teenagers show up when scheduled and that they ask all customers if they want fries with that. Not terribly challenging, I admit, but I wouldn't be so prone to smashing my head into walls and my desk.

Making fast food look even more attractive is the installation of wireless in most of 'em, so my actual routine wouldn't change terribly much. If only it paid a little better.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Krenn / Jason pulled out a crayon and scribbled:

Maybe they're just being honest; they're not actually planning how to do this, they figure they'll just randomly run around the datacenter with auto-running patches on USB key fobs and hope they get it right.

03 March, 2008 22:00  

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In compliance with $MegaCorp's general policies as well as my desire to
continue living under a roof and not the sky or a bus shelter, I add this:

DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed on this blog are my own and
do not necessarily reflect the views of $MegaCorp, even if every
single one of my cow-orkers who has discovered this blog agrees with me
and would also like to see the implementation of Root Cause: 17-Fuckwit.